‘In Their Shoes’ opens eyes about domestic violence

MAT-SU — It’s easy to visualize domestic violence, two words that carry with them images of black eyes, bloodied faces and victims who keep returning to the people who batter them.

Harder to see, however, are the ways domestic violence tangles the lives of children who can’t get away from it.

“Kids grow up thinking this is normal, this is what parents do,” said April Lawson, a foster parent who attended Saturday’s “In Their Shoes” domestic-violence awareness event in Wasilla. “That’s the example — you’re not worth anything.”

Domestic violence’s impact on children was a recurring theme during Saturday’s event at the Curtis D. Menard Memorial Sports Center. Alaska Family Resources, Knik Tribal Council and the Chickaloon Village Traditional Council hosted “In Their Shoes” as part of its community outreach during October, Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Children painted T-shirts and bookmarks in one room while, two doors away, Palmer Assistant District Attorney Rachel Gernat delivered a PowerPoint presentation to 18 people about how the legal system grapples with domestic-violence cases.

In May and June, the University of Alaska Anchorage Justice Center randomly surveyed 871 women in Alaska using cell and land-line phone numbers. The survey revealed almost 59 percent of the women who responded had experienced physical violence or threats of it from a partner at some point in their lives.

“You have no idea what goes on in people’s houses,” Gernat said. “I’m just shocked by people whose life from the outside looks perfect while inside, it’s not.”

Police officers have occasionally told Gernat that they found children in the home who slept as their mother’s boyfriend or husband beat her.

“Even if that’s true, they weren’t asleep before, they weren’t asleep at the dinner table when it happened,” Gernat said. “Kids often know more than we think they know. Most people see domestic violence as something between men and women. They don’t consider kids as witnesses who know what’s going on. People don’t want to believe what they’re doing is harmful to their children. But the children are in it, those are the lives they’re living day in, day out.”

The danger, she said, is that the violence children experience or witness will seep into their minds and remain there.

“When they get in a fight with their girlfriend at 16, they’ll slug her, or you’ll hear a kid in a grocery store call his mom a dumb bitch,” Gernat said.

People who have never experienced domestic violence often can’t comprehend why a woman would continue living with someone who routinely beats.

“But who can’t rally behind a child?” Gernat said.

Lawson attended Saturday’s event because she wanted to learn more about how and why domestic violence emerges in families and how children deal with its reverberations.

“If you can empathize with the birth parent, you can better help the child and hopefully stop the cycle,” she said.

Brad Peltz, a former Valley resident who now lives in Boise, Idaho, heard Gernat’s presentation and was surprised to hear women on juries often view domestic-violence victims in a judgmental, skeptical way.

“I would think women would judge offenders more harshly,” he said.

Helping victims see a way to break out of their plight was another goal of “In Their Shoes.”

Cynthia Scott manned Southcentral Foundation’s booth, which provided assistance to people needing help with Medicaid, Medicare and Denali KidCare applications.

“[Abusers] provide everything to them,” said Scott, who works in Family Health Resources for the Alaska Native Primary Care Center. “Victims don’t know how to get out of the situation. Once they get into the application process, they can get food stamps, they can go to the Department of Labor to find jobs and the state of Alaska will help with child-care based on their income. We’re just getting that awareness out there.”