Invisible progress

I hate to brag, but…I have a seriously cool announcement to make: I can touch my toes.

Okay, I know, a lot of people can do that. Maybe most people can do that. But until a few days ago, I had never before bent down, with legs straight, and reached all the way to the ground. The Kenleys are famously inflexible. Just ask any of my siblings if they ever passed the National Fitness Exam in elementary school, and they’ll relay their sit-and-reach induced trauma.

The funny thing is, I haven’t been stretching, or focusing on flexibility, or attempting to surmount the difficult task of toe-touching in any way. One day, during my Crossfit warm up, I reached down toward the floor and—bam!— toe touch. I’ve been regularly attending my gym for about a year, but I never thought that Crossfit, which consists of primarily of cardio and heavy lifting, would also help me become more flexible. The ability to touch my toes snuck up on me, and I now enjoy performing my trick at parties and gatherings of all kinds. As you can imagine, I’m a very popular invitee.

Discovering this invisible increase of flexibility made me think about the other skills I have gained that might not be apparent. As a mom to five little ones, I look around and feel discouraged that I “didn’t get anything done all day.” I have to frequently remind myself that I “didn’t get anything done” when I only had one child, either, or two, or three, or four. Now I’m “getting nothing done” alongside feeding and bathing and clothing and comforting more and more kids. I’m much more capable, even if my house still looks like the scene of a robbery 90 percent of the time.

I believe that as we live our lives as disciples of Christ, that we become more Christlike, even if it is happening in the background, without our notice, or even our focus.

In the few years between my high school graduation and my marriage, I remember being very spiritual. I took notes at during the Sunday sermons, I made time to sit quietly and read scriptures, and I attended the Logan Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints every week. Sometimes, when I am nursing a baby in the mother’s lounge or whisper-shouting at my squabbling tweens, I look back fondly on how righteous I used to be. Long gone are the days of note taking—now I’m lucky if I even get to hear half of the sermon. And the time I used to have to sit alone to read scriptures has evaporated… often my scripture study is via audio while I get dressed in the morning.

However, when I think back on myself at that time, I can see that my while my habits have changed, I have improved in my discipleship and faith without meaning to. As I’ve matured, married, had children and generally lived my life, I’ve had experiences good and bad that have shaped who I have become. The Lord has worked in my life the same way He did in the life of the Prophet Joseph Smith: “All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.”

I’m not discounting scripture study, prayer and worship—I believe all these things are an important foundation and they’ve been a significant part of my life for the past decade, even if my efforts look different than they used to. I’m confident that at a future stage in my life, they’ll look different still. But in the process of living authentically, daily, as a disciple of Christ, I have become more Christlike, and I am consistently stumbling across new skills I didn’t know I had.

For example: Wow. I did not know I had that much patience. A few years ago, if a child had screamed at me that loudly and that long, I know I would have completely lost my temper and behaved in a way I would regret. But now, with the help of some very deep breaths, I can tamp down my irritation and annoyance and remember that I need to set an example for this child of God who has been entrusted to me. Look what I can do!

Or, wow! Look how unselfish I can be. I used to bicker with my siblings constantly over whose turn it was to feed the animals. Now I spend the vast majority of my time feeding “animals” (okay, kids) who almost always hate the nutritious food I provide, and yet I still find joy in providing it. That’s pretty nifty.

Elder David A. Bednar once said, “Small, steady incremental spiritual improvements are the steps the Lord would have us take.” And I truly believe that if you are trying each day to follow Christ, you are making those small steps, even when they aren’t noticeable to you.

It’s much easier to focus on the things we don’t do that are more visible, or on the obvious failings in our day-to-day life. Instead, I’m going to end each day in prayer, looking for ways I am becoming better than before.

Rachel Kenley Fry is a mom of five kids, two of whom currently have broken left arms, who might not be thriving but is surviving! In her spare time (ha!) she is a voracious reader, a very part-time short story author, and a fan of Nordic and alpine skiing. She is making progress toward perfection each day and is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.