Is kindness a struggle?

I recently visited my new grandson. He arrived a little earlier than expected, so he was just a little guy when he came home. His big sister, Victoria, has struggled to figure out her place in this new, two-child family. Despite the challenges, it is inspiring to see her kindness to this new member of the family. She can be so helpful with a diaper, bottle, or blanket. The tenderness of her kisses has brought smiles on more than one occasion. I will not say that she is perfect all the time—how many two-and-a-half-year-olds are—but I am impressed by her constant and genuine effort to do the right thing. It made me wonder, is it hard to do the right thing?

On a recent flight, the person who sat down beside me complained that my elbow was bothering her before we even taxied down the runway. I told her it was not intentional, and I would do my best to control my 6’4” frame in the airplane seat. Her response was curt and implied that the fault was mine. I must admit that I was taken aback by this initial first contact with my seatmate.

I have logged over a million miles flying and have never had this kind of response. I pondered my next action as I hugged the opposite side of my seat. I remembered overhearing her conversation as she got on the plane about a sick child and trying to cool him down. Our flight left at 5 a.m., so it had already been an early start to an early Monday. I started to put two and two together. She had been very kind to the air cabin crew when they were doing early morning snacks. Maybe, just maybe, her morning had not started the way she had hoped. Maybe it was still night for her as she had been caring for a sick child. I did not know what was going on, but my response could either make her day better or continue the pattern of bad luck and heartache of leaving home. I had a decision to make.

How many times have we made assumptions of others—or had them made of us—based on bad information, partial information, or no information? Have we been hurt after being judged when we were not at our finest? We all jump to conclusions based on limited information. Do we often assume the worst in people? When we see someone panhandling, do we assume that they’re lazy? When we see a slow driver on the road, do we assume they’re an idiot without a license? When we see someone who appears healthy using a handicap parking spot, do we make an assumption and even a full back-story when we see them? It is human nature to “fill in the blanks” or create a background to what we see and do. But if those assumptions make us angry in our judgment, lead to unkind thoughts or words, or drive away the Spirit of the Lord, we have some inner adjustments to make.

I love the scripture in KJV New Testament, Matthew 22:37-39, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” Jesus teaches through word and example how to love others as we walk in his path. Maybe the question should be asked, do we love ourselves? Do we love our Savior? If we are struggling with these two things, it will be certainly hard to love our neighbor.

I know that I have flaws and I can be my toughest critic. But I want to be an example to my grandchildren and family. I need to learn to love my neighbor. On that early-morning flight, I tried to make small talk with my neighbor and offered to get her bags down from the overhead compartment. I’m not sure it made a difference to her. She was still short with me. But, in that moment, I tried to walk in the Lord’s footsteps instead of my own. My efforts made a difference to me. I received comfort and a softened heart. I hope that with continued practice, kindness will come more naturally to us all.

John Boston is a local physician, member of the Mat-Su Regional Hospital Board of Trustees, Colonel in the Alaska Air National Guard, father, husband, grandfather, and member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.