It’s easy to let your guard down

We persistently elect to believe that unless an individual has a named physical disability that forces him or her to live outside of our established version of normal there is little need for us to accept and accommodate those who we do not know nor particularly like.

After all, we are all muddling through our own hectic lives, aren’t we? Everyone is overextended and busy.

“Why should your needs be more important than mine?” some may ask themselves.

I am going to make a confession to everyone reading this. I am guilty of misbehaving in public myself. Worse still, I have no legitimate excuse. Let’s face it; we all have those bad days when we simply act out. Isn’t it nice to be met with the gracious accommodation of those around us rather than the begrudging assistance we often dish out? Do we assume that a disabled individual is unable to perceive the difference? Do we presume that some people are more worthy of accommodation than others?

Last week I was in a hurry and found myself needing to run into the store for two items before meeting the school bus. I thought to myself, “I have 20 minutes. Plenty of time.”

Of course, the items I needed were on opposite ends of the store, so I rushed to gather them and got in the shortest line. The clock was ticking. I tossed my four items (who can only buy two items anyway?) on the register and had my debit card in hand.

And then it happened, the checkout register line halted.

As I watched the customer ahead of me begin handing each bag back to the cashier for what appeared to be the beginning of a long process. I could hardly maintain the smile pasted on my face. A sigh must have escaped without my awareness as the woman behind me commented that these things do happen when one is in a rush. I barely looked back at her. I had a bus to meet and could barely contain my impatience.

This anonymous woman saw beyond my demeanor and fake smile. She gently pointed out what the cashier was doing and how long it would take. Then she graciously attempted to help accommodate my need to get out of the store by trying to help me look up and over the lines to see if another was moving faster. Rarely does a stranger go above and beyond for one who is demonstrating such selfish impatience as I was. In truth, I never really even took the time to see her, and yet she showed me such helpfulness. I could not tell you her hair color or what she looked like, but I recall her assurances, how she even offered to help me carry my items to the next register and her smile as she backed up her cart to allow me to leave.

Sadly, at that junction I still hadn’t quite caught on to the implications of my own behavior. Rather, I was driven by the clock ticking away as I began frantically seeking another register. But everywhere I turned I seemingly ran into people who just could not move as fast as I wanted them to. Wheelchairs, WIC checks, walkers and, of course, that child who seemingly could not behave all stood between me and a quick checkout. Didn’t they realize I was in a hurry?

While this does not make me look good, if we are honest, haven’t we have all felt that way? I further confess that I didn’t stop to actually see the people I was rushing past. Was I intentionally being rude? No. I was simply allowing myself to play victim to the ticking clock and another hectic day.

In truth, I did not really consider how my rapid footsteps, silent sighs or my body language appeared to those around me until a week or so later. A person told me she had seen me in the store and though she wanted to approach me it was obvious I was in too much of a hurry to notice her, let alone say hello that day. The smile on my face almost hit the floor before I retrieved it and plastered it back where it belonged. What does one say when confronted by such honesty? The apology I offered, though sincere, was not sufficient and further explanation would only be a token attempt to excuse my behavior.

You see, until that student pointed out how I appeared to her, it never occurred to me to consider how my behavior looked to those around me. I was too caught up in my hurried day to notice. Yet, one woman noticed my distress and took that opportunity to extend grace and accommodation. She attempted to help me even without knowing why I was in a rush that day. She never rolled her eyes or gave me any indication at all that she saw my behavior as anything out of the norm. She looked beyond my ill manners, saw my need and attempted to help me find a means to accommodate my hurried schedule.

I am convinced more than ever that when we attempt to accommodate those around us, we can make a difference in each other’s lives! We may not always know what to say or even want to help someone who doesn’t quite conform to our societal standards but I encourage all to remember that a timely smile, a spoken word of understanding, or a simple offer of assistance can provide practical help to an individual and promote someone’s sense of well-being. It may even change someone’s perspective. It certainly changed mine.

Heather Murphy works as a caregiver for special needs children in the Mat-Su Valley.