Let's play the Four Corners guessing game

Mat-Su Mouth

FOUR CORNERS GUESSING GAME -- The intersection of Palmer-Wasilla Highway and Trunk Road is the site of the Valley's newest and greatest guessing game.

This is the fun part of unregulated land use. Use your imagination because the possibilities are endless. The MOUTH lists some nominations for your reading and guessing pleasure:

Hooters Family Restaurant.

A specialized rubber hose factory.

A large group home facility.

Yet another combo self storage-body shop-coffee spot-gas station.

A delightful pig farm.

Another nomination is six 98-foot-tall wind generator towers. Now that all those pesky trees are gone, the Four Corners wind tunnel can be efficiently developed.

A particularly religious MOUTHKETEER suggests that Four Corners be renamed Four Churchs. The busy corner will be known as Tolerance Intersection. An individual house of worship will go on each corner, including a Christian church, a Jewish synagogue, an Islamic mosque and a Buddhist temple.

GRAVEL GOOD GUYS -- The MOUTH is proud to announce that local gravel haulers are voluntarily contributing "a dime per ton" back to the community. The accrued funds will go directly into local road maintenance efforts. The spokesman for the gravel guys said, "We know we pound these roads a lot. We just want to help out." The MOUTH applauds this gravel gesture, but sadly admits this is also an April Fool's joke.

PALMER SPICE BOYS -- It happened a while back but we're all still laughing. Apparently a few unnamed city public works employees were called out to investigate an unidentified object at the police shooting range near the sewage lagoon. The mysterious object was shaped like a missile or a Thermos. The always curious and oh-so-cautious employees whacked it several times with a piece of steel. To their surprise, they discovered it was a pepper spray bomb. Efficiency would be proud but OSHA wouldn't. Why mess around weighing or X-raying a mysterious object when you can whack it with a piece of steel? The employees remain "Peppered in Palmer."

EAT POTATOES -- This is an order. There are 2.3 zillion pounds of local potatoes -- in stock -- waiting to be eaten. They're tasty. And good for you. And cheap. And most important, the product is local.

REALLY RELIABLE RUMORS -- If a single one of these rumors is true, remember you heard it here first. If they're all wrong, you heard it here last. Home Depot is coming to the Valley and will be located on the Parks Highway where Homesteader's is located. Boys and Girls Club will move to Sherrod. The new school administration building will be built downtown. Fred Meyer will locate across from Palmer Carrs. A new lake will also be constructed to formalize the location.

Old Palmer Bar is shutting down. New Palmer Bar is opening up. Doyle Holmes will run for the state Legislature as a "D," against Bev Masek. City Manager John Cramer will run for the mayorship of Wasilla. Jim Palin will throw his hat in the family dynasty ring and also run for Wasilla mayor.

Rep Vic Kohring will throw his hat in the ring and run for the mayorship of Portland. Current Mayor Palin of Wasilla will switch from lite guv candidacy to the Vic's Wasilla state representative seat. Martin Buser is joining up with Fran Ulmer. This will be a winning ticket for sure because there are gonna be

cute puppies in the cabinet.

The MOUTH WONDERS:

Is it true that former Mat-Su Borough mayor Darcie Salmon wants to know if the Wasilla Sports Arena will include a stage for "concerts like Ozzy Osborne?"

Infamous borough scribe Barbara Hunt puts words in The Mouth every month. If you have questions, tips or suggestions, please fax them to her at 376-8059 or to her attention at the Frontiersman at 352-2276, or you may mail them or drop them off at 5751 E. Mayflower Ct., Wasilla AK 99654. The Mouth is also accessible on the Internet at bhunt@alaska.net. Confidentiality will be respected. Accuracy required and good taste requested.