LETTER: A satirical take on modern problems

To the editor:

Well fellow citizens, it’s time for some satire about current events—at least enough to ease the disgust some of us feel. American Heritage Dictionary defines satire as “irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity”.

This satire is being independently developed by other Americans. I begin.

Have you heard that elements of the US Government are considering a pre-emptive nuclear strike against Heaven? It’s to halt uncoordinated earthquakes, hurricanes, and other anti-US natural events.

Covering up government incompetence, irrationality, and warmongering has been declared a national security matter. US government conduct is always perfect and humanitarian. To say or hint otherwise, threatens our image, our pride, and the defense spending benefits going to every US congressional district.

The advent of the Scientific Method was supposed to be the intellectual emancipation of the human race. However, people thinking for themselves, drawing their own conclusions from openly verifiable information, and freely learning things to make ordinary life better is a gigantic planetary danger. This attacks the scientific, social, religious and government “experts” of our times—the new slave-masters of humanity that require obedience and our dependence on them for our own good.

Crisis actors are agitating to become part of the Screen Actors Guild. Crisis actors are people hired repeatedly by governments and special interests to act in scripted disaster events—aimed at enabling fear-driven population control. Due to necessarily covert employment arrangements ignoring labor law, crisis actors are suffering increasing irregularities in employee treatment and in getting paid. It is thought that getting covert union representation would ease these problems without exposing such inhumane activity to common humanity.

In Washington D.C, there are private discussions happening on how to sell Americans on repealing the U.S. Constitution’s First Amendment, They are talking about using the same program that is selling Gun Control—that just a few bad apples abusing gun ownership, spectacularly promoted, proves that everybody else doesn’t have the competence to exercise such freedom. Using proven principles about not permitting things that stampede herd animals is the central strategy against free speech. It’s thought that Americans will come to understand that free speech is the source of all hurt feelings, discrimination, and violence in society—particularly in politics. Indoctrination (from government controlled schools and the Media) in approved prejudices and attitudes can then enforce the mind control considered necessary to ensure peace.

— Stuart Thompson

Wasilla