Marriage matters

A couple seeking advice approached a marriage counselor. The counselor asked, “Do you enjoy talking to each other?” The husband replied, “Oh, we enjoy talking to each other alright. The problem is listening to each other.” Maybe you have felt this way in your marriage. God has designed our marriage relationship to be a fulfilling and life-long companionship that is second to none except the relationship we have with Him.

God’s desire for couples to have healthy marriage relationship cries out from the pages of His love-letter to us, the Holy Bible. At the beginning of time, God’s design for biblical marriages is revealed in Genesis 2:24,25 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” In these verses, God reveals what I call four (4) building blocks for a biblical marriage. If a biblical marriage relationship is to be enjoyed, these are the foundational principles that every marriage must commit to,

Building Block #1: The severance Principle “leave and be united…”To experience all that God has designed marriage to be, we must be committed to this principle of leaving all other relationships that compete with the marriage relationship. We must commit to “sever” any relationship that threatens the harmony and fulfilling nature that God has designed for our marriage relationship. For many young couples this means severing financial, emotional and if necessary, even geographical ties with parents. For all couples this means any friendships that are not shared by the couple must be evaluated and severed if necessary.

Building Block #2 The permanence principle “and be united…”The biblical marriage must be committed to permanence in the marriage relationship. In many cases society allows and encourages divorce. The Christian marriage relationship needs to be that much more vigilant when comes to God’s design for permanence in a marriage relationship. While God does allow for divorce under very biblically defined circumstances (Matthew 19 and 1 Corinthians 7), “united” in this verse means “glued” or “stuck to.” Biblical marriages should never threaten divorce as an option for dealing with marital conflict. It is not an option for those who are “stuck to” each other in a life-long commitment to permanence in the marriage.

Building Block #3 The intimacy principle “they shall become one flesh…”A great definition of intimacy is “in-to-me-see.” The biblical couple is committed to allowing one another to see into each other. God has designed marriage to be a place of no secrets. This does not happen right away. That is why God has used the term “become.” This principle of intimacy is a life-long process of self-revelation that allows the marriage to be the relationship that God designed it to be.

David Ley served as the seventh president of Alaska Bible College.