Meditation, repentance, and returning to the path

Over the past decade, mindfulness and meditation have edged into mainstream techniques to counter the effects of stress and calm various distressing states. Researchers study these effects, carefully documenting how increased self-awareness and peaceful practices can improve our lives.

I have read books about meditation, and I have tried to meditate. But I always fail. And I have never continued long enough to make it a habit in my life. When you meditate, you focus your mind and attention on one thing. Often, you focus on your breath. (We all breathe and can turn our attention to our breath at any time, so it’s a convenient choice.)

Several months ago, I listened to Emily Nagoski’s book, Come As You Are, and she explained meditation. This time, something in my mind and heart clicked into place, and I understood why I always thought I was failing at meditating. She said that meditating doesn’t mean you focus on your breath and your mind doesn’t wander. Of course, your mind wanders! That is what minds do. Meditation is the act of bringing your attention back to your breath when you realize that it has wandered somewhere else. The practice comes in the patient time we spend with ourselves, bringing our attention back to wherever we choose to place it.

I learned two things from this insight. First, I was not failing at meditation. I was trying to focus, and my mind was behaving as expected. Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer share the following illustration of meditation. I can view my attention as a curious puppy. Instead of getting frustrated, I can invite it back to settle in my lap each time it hurries away after distractions. And every time I return my attention, I am doing it right.

Maybe you haven’t tried mediation before. But if you have ever prayed in your head, you are familiar with your wandering mind. Tucked between gratitude for blessings and asking for what you need, you are caught up in plans for tomorrow before you realize it. You can enjoy the benefits of meditation when you pray and notice your mind wandering. Kindly and gently bring your attention back to the task at hand. Ask for the Lord to help you practice more often.

Second, and more significant, meditation is like repentance. Both are recurring processes that reorient our attention to what we choose to focus on. Repentance is the act of realigning our will with God. When we repent, we turn toward Christ and ask for his help. We open our hearts to His healing power.

Sin is not a flaw of our character but our choices, which often inflict pain on ourselves and others. Mistakes are necessary and as inevitable as a wandering mind. Our earthly experience of testing requires sin. It is as much part of the plan of salvation as Christ’s role in healing our wounds. We suffer the pains inherited from generations before us and all the problems and hurt accompanying our mistakes. We all taste the bitterness of sin so that we may learn to prize the good (Moses 6:55).

And Jesus Christ is the ultimate good. Like our Heavenly Parents, he loves us and wants us to be happy despite our distracted wandering and inattention. He is the supreme and perfect healer. Thus, repentance allows us to access Christ’s healing power to be forgiven for our mistakes and be made whole again. That is why the Lord commands us to repent.

It is easy to feel like a failure when trying to heal a wound that is continuously rubbed raw by trauma, addiction, or other people’s choices beyond our control. Of course, you wander. That’s what people do! Repentance is the process of returning to the Path. We refocus our attention and our intention toward what is good, and whole, and true. As we practice repentance, we become more adept at noticing when we have strayed. We can accept our flaws and wounds and bring them to Christ and be healed.

We all sin. And we are all wounded. We can return our attention to Christ again and again. Indeed, that is the very purpose of our life— to try again when we fail. We find goodness and light when we recognize suffering and respond with compassion. That is how we learn and grow and become more like Him.

When we view sin as a wound, we can respond with love and compassion, seeking to heal broken hearts and broken relationships. We are less likely to judge and will forgive more easily. We can feel God’s love grow in us and will reflect his light to those who think they are failing at life. And throughout this growing process, we can practice repentance and meditation, returning our attention to all the things that matter most.

Amity Condie has lived in Palmer since 2004 and loves the mountains, beauty, and community. She is a graduate student in social work and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.