Moms have earned spot on pedestal

May 8, 2005

Sunday Sampler/Sammye Pokryfki

Children are a gift. And that's the last glowing statement about parenting that you will read in this column.

This is not a Hallmark greeting card about motherhood. It is not a message about the joys of being a mom and how we should take one day a year to make breakfast, buy flowers and put mom on a pedestal.

While it is (occasionally) a joy to be a parent and we certainly should put mom on a pedestal as often as possible, there are some truths that should be told about motherhood. I'm no expert, but I'm as much of one as anybody else who is raising a couple of kids.

Mine are 21 and 17, plus I have a 1-year-old granddaughter. And I love, respect and treasure them like no one else, so I can get sappy about motherhood, too Š but not today. Today, I feel the need to tell you a few lessons I have learned.

About motherhood, I know this much is true:

Your children will cost you money. Lots and lots of money and not all of it well spent. They will misplace brand new winter coats, they will lose their lunch money, and they will go to the prom. They will lock their keys in the car and, in attempting to use a coat hanger to pry open the lock from the outside, break the car window. All of this, while you are at home by the phone with a spare key in reach.

Your children will get sick and injured and this will cause you more pain that you can imagine. You will literally wish that you could trade places with them, take over their symptoms and experience them yourself, if only you could provide them with relief.

Your children will disobey you and - gasp - lie to you about it. It never fails to amaze me how many parents of teenagers don't see this coming. It is not just the juvenile delinquents who lie, so don't go off the deep end the first time it happens. Nice children from nice families tell lies to their parents. They sometimes lie when it would make more sense to tell the truth.

Your children will put their friends first. It is an incredibly irritating thing, that they will listen to their friends, seek their friends approval, spend inordinate amounts of time with their friends, attempt to talk on the phone with their friends during dinner for crying out loud. Friends rule and parents drool.

Your children will make mistakes. Within reason and when the stakes aren't too high, you should let them. If you're lucky, they will learn from those mistakes and not make the same ones again. They'll make new ones, of course, but learning how to rebound is a great skill in life as well as in basketball.

Your children will not be universally loved and appreciated. There will be a teacher, a coach, perhaps the parent of another kid, someone at some point will ignore your child or dislike your child or fail to see the potential in your child. They will force you to see your child as the world does, even when they are wrong or misguided in their judgment. These people, while maddening, help your child learn that they can't always rely on the approval of others and, darn it, the world truly does not revolve around them.

Maybe you won't ever experience these things, or maybe you just haven't experienced them yet. But if you recognize yourself and your children in my words, know that you are not alone. We mothers are in this together.

So take heart, moms, and climb up on that pedestal, not just today but every day for the whole year, every year, for the rest of your lives. You've earned that breakfast, and you deserve those flowers. Your children are a gift, and so are you.

Sammye Pokryfki lives and writes in Wasilla.