Mother's support has remained steady

Simply Sleight by Kari Sleight

The relationship a woman has with her mother can be a complex issue that can perplex the most educated and well-trained relationship experts. My own relationship with my mother has been an often confusing and treasured affair through the years, ever changing and evolving on my journey to adulthood.

As a young child, I can remember feeling that there was no one in the universe cooler than my mom. I fondly recall the hours she devoted on her sewing machine to creating the latest fashions for me to wear, styles I otherwise would have had to do without during lean times. She had a way of making me feel special as I proudly modeled her most recent creation for the rest of the family. It was a time for "just us girls," as we were the minority in our family with my father and three brothers.

With the pre-teen years came another change in our relationship. I was ready to test my independence, but not ready to go it alone. There were many days I resented the decisions my mother made for me, but many days I was grateful she was there to make the difficult decisions, too.

My teen years, especially 13 through 17, proved to be the greatest challenge on our relationship. I was firmly convinced I could make it on my own without any help from her. I was now too cool to wear her homemade clothes. In fact, I barely admitted to my friends I even had a mother, and when I did, it was only to comment on how I must have the worst mother in the world. No one could possibly have it worse than I; she always wanted to know where I was going, whom I was going to be with and when I'd be home. Why couldn't she just leave me alone and let me live my life on my own terms? This just wasn't fair! I couldn't wait until I was 18 and could get as far away from home as possible.

I married young, just before my 18th birthday. The more my mother tried to talk me out of it, the more I rebelled. She tried to tell me that adult life isn't all wine and roses, that my days would now be filled with work and responsibilities. I didn't believe her.

Then came the day I found out I was going to be a mom. I was excited and scared, and found myself asking lots of questions of my mother. An amazing thing happened the day my first child was born -- my mother became smarter.

Our relationship has stood the test of time and improved over the years. I'm proud to say that today my mom isn't just my mother, she is now my friend, too. I consider myself lucky to have gotten to know her on a deeper level as an adult. We travel together frequently, exploring new places and learning about different cultures.

In the fall of 2001, we took the trip of a lifetime, three weeks in Europe. Prior to that trip, we had only spent a week together at most, and confined our travels to the safety and relatively close proximity of home. We planned our trip for nearly a year, even securing our airline tickets in October 2000 for our planned Sept. 13, 2001, departure.

The events of Sept. 11, 2001, threatened to destroy our long-awaited European adventure. We wrestled with the decision on whether to go ahead, or even if we would be able to go. Family members begged us to cancel or postpone to a much later date. We ultimately decided to go, even though it meant uncertainty and a lot of rescheduling. Our plane departed Sept. 17, only four days later than intended, and I've never regretted our decision to go. There was something almost magical about the special bond we developed as we explored the assortment of cities, countries and cultures throughout Europe.

So, on this Mother's Day, I celebrate our friendship along with our special mother-daughter bond. I'll be eternally grateful for her patience and understanding through those troubled teen years and for never giving up on me. Happy Mother's Day, Mom.