Oh, to be a sports guy

Sports lingo. You gotta love it. A blend of obvious puns and bad cliches. It is the very basis of the writing for many sports journalists, including this fine Frontiersman editor. Call it the crutch that we proudly stand on.

There are many reasons why I probably could not survive without going insane on a daily news beat. Although I am convinced that I can be the next Hunter S. Thompson for Rolling Stone, minus the mind altering drugs of course.

Sarcasm is my high baby!

Sports reporters are blessed with the opportunity to have a bit more freedom with our language. Watch just one segment of Sportscenter and you will know exactly what I am talking about.

"Jeremiah Bartz is like butter, cause he is on a roll". Just an example of what Stu Scott or Dan Patrick might say.

If I was on another beat, for example the cops and courts, I may have a difficult time and find that I am in trouble with the law myself!

I would desperately want to use these bad puns and cliches in the crime stories.

Like when talking about a robber, I would be tempted to say, the thief came up big in the other guy's building.

I would be making Starsky and Hutch references on a regular basis, comparing the everyday Valley perp to Huggy Bear. In the courtroom, I would feel compelled to sound the theme music from Law and Order as the jury reads their decision.

Every courts story would be just another episode of Matlock for me.

Plus, doing play-by-play is just not the same in the courtroom. Court officials tend to frown on that.

As a sports writer, I can make light of a situation without being dubbed the most insensitive man in the Valley.

I can lead a story with, some say a tie is like kissing your sister. I am sure if I wrote a crimes story with the lead, a plea bargin is like kissing your sister, I might have some problems.

Frontiersman sports editor Jeremiah Bartz is still waiting for Rolling Stone to return his phone calls.