Patience good to master at holidays

November 27, 2005

Sunday Sampler/Sammye Pokryfki

&#8220Practice makes perfect” is one of those bits of folk wisdom that I have carried with me for years. It is tucked in my brain, wedged up tight against &#8220in for a penny, in for a pound” and &#8220don't look a gift horse in the mouth.” These snippets form an internal dialogue that I think of as the voices inside my head.

Some of the voices have come from literature, some from adults who admonished or encouraged my childhood, and some I have no idea where they came from. There are a few that I would like to get rid of, but like a song that replays over and over in my mind, I'm stuck repeating the verse.

I have repeated the &#8220practice makes perfect” verse a lot recently as I strive to practice the fine art of patience. According to my mother-in-law, who was a veritable songbook of folk wisdom, &#8220patience is a virtue, possess it if you can, found seldom in a woman and rarely in a man.”

Have you ever noticed that people only speak of losing patience, yet you never hear someone say, &#8220I found my patience?” I think it is because patience, if achieved at all, isn't found by chance or luck. It is perfected through practice.

Life hands us lots of opportunities to fine-tune our patience, especially at this time of year, when there are lines at the post office, mind-boggling traffic, catalog ordering and, for goodness' sake, the Carrs parking lot! The holidays could test the patience of a saint. 'Tis the season Š for traffic, long lines and last-minute trips to the store.

It is also the season for another irritant: the head cold. If you're like me, you perceive a head cold as an uncouth visitor that interferes with your normal, hectic lifestyle.

I got sick this past week, and it was awful. I was like that person in the NyQuil commercial, sneezing-coughing-sniffling-headache-fever-can't rest. It forced me to slow down and take really good care of myself — things that I usually don't have the patience for.

But while I was suffering through my minor illness, my dear friend was diagnosed with breast cancer, which put my misery into perspective. She is a hiking buddy and hockey sister as well as a longtime health advocate who has provided me and many others with &#8220miles of smiles.”

The cancer is early stage, and her prognosis is excellent. Nonetheless, she has a long road of recovery ahead. I know the coming months will test her patience, but I also know that if anyone can stare down the Great Uncouth, it is she. Life has handed her some lemons that she will most likely use in a great recipe for lemonade, which she will pour over ice and promptly share with others.

Most tests of patience are difficult, yet there is often a direct correlation between the amount of patience required and the reward for it. For the past 21 years, my children have tested my patience. As far as I'm concerned, I have passed the test, because as of this moment, we are all still breathing the same air.

More recently, my granddaughter has helped me learn even more patience. Which is why I will read &#8220How Many Trucks Can a Tow Truck Tow” for the fifth time in a row and point out the doggie on each page.

Speaking of dogs, my four-legged friends have taught me patience. How is it that they can remember that once, four years ago, a cookie was found under the couch, so they look for another one there every day, but they can't remember not to step in the water bowl, creating a puddle for my granddaughter to splash in?

Family life is perhaps the ultimate teacher of patience, with joy and love as the well-earned rewards. I recently received a letter from a young married couple who tied the knot one year ago. The letter began with an apology for not writing thank-you notes, and it ended with each partner's observations on what they have learned about married life after the first year.

Besides being funny, sweet and delightful to read, it was a reminder that marriage teaches you patience, hopefully with yourself as well as your spouse. I know that I found patience through my marriage of 23 years. After all, he is a patient man, and 23 years ago, I found him.

So as the holidays engulf me, I will try to take advantage of the opportunities to practice patience in the hope of reaping the rewards that are so abundant at this time of year.

I will hang onto the verses that give me comfort, such as &#8220it's the thought that counts.” And I will try to ignore the voices inside my head that give me the wrong advice like &#8220one more won't hurt.”

I will remember that &#8220it is better to give than receive,” which will remind me that &#8220the letter i comes before e except after c.” And finally, in the spirit of sharing, I will take a page from my mother's book of folk wisdom and pass it along to others. Repeat after me: &#8220Never refuse a breath mint.”

Sammye Pokryfki lives

and writes in Wasilla. Contact her at sammyepokryfki@ hotmail.com.