Peacemaking and unity across political and religious divides

I typically avoid discussions about polarizing political topics, opting for silence over actual or potential discomfort and disagreement. For much of my life, I have operated from a belief that conflict is is bad and should be avoided. Unfortunately, avoiding uncomfortable conversations or people with views contrary to my own does not lead to growth or change, and may increase feelings of helplessness, resentment, and judgment.

In July, I hosted a peacemaking dialogue presented by Mormon Women for Ethical Government and Younify. This virtual documentary screening of “The Abortion Talks” presents the story of six women who led opposing sides of the abortion movement in the nineties. With the support of two Essential Partners mediators, they met together secretly over six years to build relationships, engage in constructive dialogue, and promote peace after the December 1994 abortion clinic shootings in Brookline, MA. The murders highlighted the danger of polarizing rhetoric and the biases we develop when experiences are portrayed in simplified black and white thinking.

These leaders of the pro-choice and pro-life movements risked their personal safety and reputations to engage in a mediated dialogue. Their story illustrates the powerful changes that accompany efforts to build mutual trust without requiring anyone to abandon their values. At the end of six years, their positions on abortion had not changed. But they had developed a deep respect for one another and lasting friendships. They were more articulate, more compassionate, and better able to advocate for their views while uniting against violence, hate speech, and contempt.

As a disciple of Jesus Christ, I want to be a peacemaker. I also want to live in congruence with my values while respecting the rights and privilege of all people to “worship how, where, or what they may” (Articles of Faith 1:11). I want to strengthen connections with members of my family, church, and community, especially with those whose views are different than my own. I have found that our varied experiences, perspectives, and priorities ensure that in any relationship there will be areas of alignment and disagreement. But we do not have to be the same to be united.

In a world that is ever more polarized and divided, what can we do to increase love, peace, and security in our homes, congregations, and communities? The apostle Paul wrote to the Ephesians instruction on how to keep the influence of the Spirit, which promotes connection to God and each other: “Endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirt in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:3). He asks us to try, to put forth effort, and to build connections—that we may be one.

When Christ prayed for his disciples in his intercessory prayer, he expressed the desire that none would be lost, but that we may be one, as he is one with his Father (John 17: 11, 21-26). Being one in Christ doesn’t mean we will all be the same. Our experiences, perspectives, and opinions are certain to differ. Conflict is inherent in families, within churches, and in broader social contexts. How then can we be united? Do we have to agree to be one?

Problem solving works better with diverse contributions, experiences, and perspectives. Approaching social problems from a variety of angles allows for creativity and collaboration. The problem with polarization is not that we disagree, but that too few of us learn how to disagree in healthy, respectful ways.

In a recent article in Psychology Today, Bruce Grierson outlines how to practice intellectual humility—the degree to which we accept that we could be wrong. One reframe of this idea is to consider the extent to which someone else may be right. The concept of the dialectic is helpful here. Dialectic is the art of investigating or discussing the truth of opinions. Instead of undermining and attacking to prove wrongness, we can seek to build on commonality, truth, kindness, goodness, while acknowledging that there is always more to learn.

One of many human weaknesses is an inherent overconfidence in our own opinions and perspectives. Intellectual humility is a skill that builds respect and cooperation by making space to hear and consider other people’s experiences and motivations. Grierson cites data to suggest that individuals with greater intellectual humility enjoy stronger connections with others, are happier, and tend to make more thoughtful decisions.

Grierson quotes Ian Leslie, who observed “The opposite of conflict isn’t harmony—it’s apathy.” This suggests that if we are not willing to address conflicting viewpoints, we may become stuck in hopeless inaction. The answer is not to dig in our heels, speak more loudly, and close our eyes and ears to alternate views. Nor will avoiding conflict yield peace. The middle way of engaging with curiosity and humility allows learning, growth, and cooperation and builds relationships as we explore the complexity of our experience.

In April 2023, the latter-day prophet, Russell M Nelson, invited us to become peacemakers by “modeling how to manage honest differences of opinion with mutual respect and dignified dialogue.” He observed, “As disciples of Jesus Christ, we are to be examples of how to interact with others—especially when we have differences of opinion. One of the easiest ways to identify a true follower of Jesus Christ is how compassionately that person treats other people.” President Nelson continued, “The Savior’s message is clear: His true disciples build, lift, encourage, persuade, and inspire—no matter how difficult the situation. True disciples of Jesus Christ are peacemakers.”

We can unite across political and religious divides in our efforts to respect each other, to elevate the voices and needs of the downtrodden and distressed—in short to act as Christ. Our life experience is designed to provide opportunities for growth, increased awareness, and exercising our agency. With love, respect, and effort we can build a path forward in unity of purpose.

To learn more about “The Abortion Talks” or host a screening in your home or organization, see WhatIsEssential.org/the-abortion-talks.

Amity Condie has lived in Palmer since 2004, works as an integrative behavioral health and substance use counselor and is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.