PogSue party tackles fiscal woes

Being Frank, by Frank Ameduri

Everybody wants to get in on the act of saving Alaska from its current fiscal crisis. The Pragmacratic Party of the Greatest Darned State in the Union (PogSue) has decided to weigh in, as well.

The PogSues held a super-double-secret summit at the Great Bear Brewing Company last week, and drafted a plan to pull Alaska out of her economic tail spin. For those of you who have tracked the history of the PogSues, you already know that the Pragmacrats are a bold bunch who are not afraid to tell it like it is -- unlike some other parties we know. PogSues are not populists, and they're required to part with all donkeys and horse blankets before joining the party -- so you won't catch a PogSue covering his ass.

So what are we going to do about the fiscal gap and the fact that the state can't figure out how to make money and the fact that Alaskans want 21st-Century-style services at 18th Century prices and all that? Well, here's what the PogSues would do.

First, they'd say, "Look folks, times are getting tough. Our schools are in real trouble, we're in the process of whacking Fish and Wildlife Protection off at the knees, we're consolidating and streamlining other critical government programs to the point of inadequacy, and if we don't do something soon, in a few years we're going to look back at all this as the good ol' days of milk and honey. So put that in your PFD check and blow it on a big screen TV."

Then they'd say, "It's up to you. You're getting a cut-rate government because you've refused to pay for a real one. Now we're all wailing about school budgets and slashed services and woeful law enforcement and prosecution protection and potholes and the fact that food services outlets are allowed to self-inspect. Oh, yeah, didn't you know that? You might want to think about that next time you give your kid his lunch money or the next time you stop at the local greasy spoon for a burger and fries. Nobody's inspecting those places to make sure the almonds in your salad don't have legs on them. We hear the governor is also batting around the idea of stopping other kinds of inspection and regulation, too -- for things like pesticides, even though those programs are federally mandated and mostly federally funded. If you want to settle for that kind of government, just sit back, don't pay taxes and run to the bank and then off to Wal-Mart with your PFD handout. Nobody loves the PFD like the folks at Wal-Mart headquarters in Bentonville, Ark."

That's the second thing the PogSues would say, and then they'd say a lot more things. A lot of people would get really angry with the PogSues for saying stuff like that. Some people would call the PogSues a bunch of crazy, knee-jerk liberals, and other people would just call them loony. That's what people call you when you're not afraid to tell the truth.

Anyway, then the PogSues, undaunted by all the name calling and chest thumping and like that, would roll out their plan. Here are a few highlights:

First, you've got to dip into that ol' permanent fund during this first year, at least. You've got to do that because the kids in our schools this year are just as important as the kids in our schools next year and all the years to come.

Next, we've got to talk taxes. Here's the PogSue tax plan:

Income taxes -- Charge income taxes only to those workers who live in other states, but who collect paychecks in our state. Just like it's not fair for big box stores to funnel Alaska money to other states, it's not fair for non-Alaskan workers to collect paychecks here and spend all the money somewhere else. Alaskans who live and work in our state would be exempt from income taxes.

Sales taxes -- A graduated sales tax would be implemented. Rich people can't hide from sales taxes. The sales tax structure would be graduated. Necessities, like food and medicine, would remain untaxed. Other items would be taxed according to their cost. A $14,000 car would be taxed at a lower rate than a $65,000 vehicle. If you want luxury and status, you can have it, you've just got to pay for it. There could also be incentives for buying more fuel-efficient vehicles.

A graduated sales tax would not punish low-income families, and it would prevent wealthy folks from hiding behind income-tax shelters.

Frank Ameduri is the founder of the PogSues -- and he's not afraid to admit it.