Psst -- pass the dope

Resslin' Around by Casey Ressler

Dude, pass the dope. I want lots of it, too. I know, I know -- dope's not been my thing in the past, but things are different now. I just can't cope with my surroundings lately. I feel trapped whenever I'm outside. I need dope in the biggest way.

I'm not alone, either. There's a lot of dope users running around in the Valley these days. I don't care if it's Ben's, Cutter or even 100-percent deet, we need some mosquito dope more than we ever have, as the bugs this year seem to be larger than small pigeons, and thicker than concentrated patches of fog.

In the past, I have avoided putting on bug dope as long as possible, preferring a few bites here and there to coating my clothing and way-too-sensitive bald dome with the foul-smelling spray. But this year is so much different.

Whether out on the river or at home watering the lawn, those blood-suckers are out in record numbers it seems. I'm sure there's probably some scientific explanation about why there are so many more mosquitoes this year, but I honestly don't care -- I know they're here, so I'm taking action.

Deet is Alaska's hottest selling cologne, coming in convenient aerosol cans instead of crystal eau de toilette dispensers. Unlike Calvin Klein's smelly stuff, you can't pile on too much Cutter or Off. Nobody is going to look at you like a freak if you crowd into an elevator smelling like Ben's 100 -- if you are in Alaska, everybody just understands that you are going to be smelling like bug dope from May through September, and the fact you are wearing a button-up shirt and tie with Carhartt pants isn't even an issue.

A little dab behind the ears, a shot or two on the neck and a coating over my bald head -- a deet sheen, if you will -- are mandatory this year. Forget the Eternity, bring on the Cutter.

So go ahead, just try it once. You'll be hooked. I was, and it only took one experience. Your neighbor may even give you that first try, jut to get you on the stuff.

Casey Ressler (valleylife@frontiersman.com) is the Valley Life editor.