Reflection on life an exercise in amazing grace

It is Tuesday evening. Tuesday evening is my time to write. Another weekly deadline is just hours away. I have no shortage of subjects about which I want to write. I believe that the Christian Gospel intersects with life constantly, so new topics abound.

Before final retirement, I preached almost every Sunday for 50 years. Each Sunday, I threw away sermon notes and tried never to preach the same sermon twice. That is the nature of the Christian message, always fresh and ready for the next challenge.

Personality tests show that I am strongly extroverted, but not this night. My thoughts are not focused on the intersection of the Gospel and today’s news. The focus in on the way the Christian Gospel intersects with Howard Bess.

I confess that I am an addictive worshipper. My parents were devout Christians and never allowed anything to stand in the way of going to Sunday worship service. The importance of worship became ingrained. In my years of service in the U.S. Army, I never once missed a Sunday of worship. As an athlete playing football and basketball at a state university, I explained to the coaches that I would like travel plans to accommodate opportunity to worship. A small group of players looked for worship opportunities. We attended early Roman Catholic masses and any other service that would make schedules work. We never missed a Sunday of worship. All through my adult years when on vacations, Sunday worship was always on our schedule.

I have listened to good sermons and bad sermons. I have listened to touching prayers and absurd prayers that I believe bounced off the ceiling. I have listened to great choirs and some pretty inept choirs. I love a good sermon and enjoy great music, but enjoyment is not what worship is about. Worship is my weekly exercise in recognizing that God is God and that Howard Bess is not. I leave every worship experience in gratitude for the privilege of living a life that I did not create. Life is a gift. I dare never to forget.

I am a Christian by birth. My parents raised me in Christian faith. I have embraced what was given. I have never contemplated leaving the faith that was given to me. My goal has been to understand Christian faith better and to live a Christian life more fully. The family in which I was reared had few rules, but high expectations. Upon reflection, rules would have been much easier to deal with. I have had more than my share of championships and successes; however, they are always clouded with a gnawing sense that I could have done better. The essence of my experience is captured by two images that we were given by the Apostle Paul — missing the mark and falling short. Rightly or wrongly, I have ended up worshipping a God not of rules, but of high expectations. In the kingdom of God in which I have membership, wasted potential is tragic.

I continue my life journey as a Christian because of the abundance of grace that is given me alongside the high expectations — “Oh to grace how great a debtor, daily I’m constrained to be.”

High expectations without grace are a real bummer. Guilt reminds me of my failures, but it is grace that takes me to the challenges of tomorrow. The God of high expectations is also the God of abundant grace. The truly good life is filled with successes, but has no place for a residual burden of guilt. Where failure abounds, grace abounds all the more.

As the song says, “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.”

So there you have it. I am an addictive worshipper who is totally dependent on the grace of God that I have found in abundance in Jesus, my Christ. But I have one more comment. I am a dependent person. Independence has been made an American God. I reject that piece of American tradition. The seeking of independence is folly. Daily I am the benefactor from my dependent relationship with my wife, my larger family, my friends, my community, my country and my world. Most of all, I am dependent on God. I rarely go to sleep at night without reciting to myself Psalm 23.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for he is with me. His rod and his staff they comfort me.

He prepares for me a table in the presence of my enemies.

He anoints my head with oil; my cup runs over.

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,

And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Good night. Rest well!

The Rev. Howard Bess is a retired American Baptist minister who lives in Palmer. His email address is hdbss@mtaonline.net.

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