Seeking common ground in a fractured world

Over the past couple of weeks, I had the opportunity to engage with a group of people from different backgrounds. Although our experiences and perspectives varied, we united around a common goal. We wanted to make space to listen and learn from each other as we discussed Alaska’s colonization history. During this process, I reflected on the personal attributes we can develop to improve our discourse surrounding difficult or polarizing topics. These include grounding, listening, nurturing relationships, and responding with patience.

First, let us recognize that it is easy and natural to identify differences as threats. These differences could include appearance, opinions, or behaviors. We often react to perceived threats without adequate information, interpreting our suddenly sweaty palms, elevated heart rate, or queasy stomach as sure signs that we are in danger. This physical stress-response can help protect us from natural threats like a moose on the bike trail or a close call while driving. But when we go into high alert, fight-or-flight mode, it becomes difficult to communicate. In this state of heightened alert, we are more likely to do or say hurtful things or damage relationships because we feel defensive.

The practice of grounding helps to reset some of the alarm responses that connect past experiences with a current situation, causing great distress. Physical grounding is a process where you can become aware of the solid ground or another solid object around you. Closing your eyes and breathing deeply while concentrating on the physical connection between your feet and the floor or your palms and the table can reset some of the natural panic response.

We can also ground ourselves spiritually by connecting with our core values and beliefs. It is beneficial to remember that we are all brothers and sisters, valued and loved by God, our Father and Creator. Our inherent worth is constant and does not vary with our circumstances, choices, or beliefs. That helps me to feel stable and gently reminds me that everyone else matters too.

In a Latter-day Saint blog post on finding unity, Jenessa Taylor observed, “The world often teaches us build walls between us and those who act, believe, or seem different from us. The Savior teaches us to love one another. He teaches us to help people who aren’t accepted in our society, even those who might be outcasts. He teaches us to care for people who have made mistakes. He teaches us to forgive the very people who have hurt us.”

Seeking common ground is another way to become grounded and build relationships on a solid foundation of mutual respect. We cannot identify commonalities if we do not hear what others are saying. The more I listen to diverse voices, the easier it becomes to see commonalities and strengths. In Alaska Native communities, talking circles provide opportunities to hear all voices. When someone is speaking, you listen. You are not thinking about your next point or what you want to say when it’s your turn to speak. By paying attention, you are giving a valuable part of yourself—your presence—to a process of communication. This kind of listening requires intention and practice. You can also hone your listening skills through meditation or prayerful pondering of scripture.

Being united doesn’t mean we have to be the same—the Lord glories in variety. The earth is full of beautiful variations and endless adaptation. Worldwide, there are many differences in values, cultures, languages, and customs. Jesus calls everyone to “come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile” (2 Nephi 26:33).

We don’t get to change other people. But as we come unto Christ, he will help us to change ourselves. Those around us may choose to follow the teachings of Christ and respectfully listen to our opinions. Or they may not. We are commanded to love our neighbors and our enemies, comfort all that mourn, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and forgive everyone. I am happy to unite in these common goals.

As I seek to be grounded in Jesus’s goodness, I receive more patience for those in different life stages. I feel peace and “look forward in faith” (see Mosiah 18:21) to a future when Christ will reign with healing and comfort. The Spirit of God calls to me as he did Isaiah, “to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound” (Isaiah 61:1).

Some say our problems are too large to address. Do not give in to hate and hopelessness. Ground yourself in the knowledge of your worth and your sphere of influence. The psychologist Vaughn E. Worthen wrote, “Confidence is not the certainty of success, but rather the conclusion that failure does not determine our worth—we lose nothing by trying.” So, let us go forth in faith.

Amity Condie has lived in Palmer with her family since 2004. She is currently enrolled in the University of Tennessee Knoxville’s online MSSW program and working as a student intern at ROCK Mat-Su. She is looking forward to this skijoring season and is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.