Should tax dollars fund Islamic and other religious schools?

Article VII Section 1 of the Alaska Constitution states: “The Legislature shall by general law establish and maintain a system of public schools open to all children of the state, and may provide for other public educational institutions. Schools and institutions so established shall be free from sectarian control. No money shall be paid from public funds for the direct benefit of any religious or other private educational institution.”

This spells out pretty clearly that the writers of the Alaska Constitution didn’t want your tax dollars going to fund private or religious schools. Rep. Wes Keller, however, has introduced a bill that would amend the state constitution to divert public funds to private and religious schools.

Remember him? He’s the guy who held up a resolution honoring the Girl Scouts on their 100th anniversary. Apparently, he had heard that there were rumors on the Internet that the Girl Scouts were in cahoots with Planned Parenthood.

“Frankly, I haven’t looked into it, but I see that it’s out there,” Keller said at that time.

In all fairness to the representative, it was on the Internet so it must be gospel. After all, I’m on the Internet, too. It seems it’s not the only thing that’s “out there,” Mr. Keller.

This bill also has caught the eye of another Wasilla politician. Rep. Lynn Gattis, chair of the House Education Committee thinks it may be what we need to help our financially strapped educational system. This is the same system that has been sued by rural schools for not providing adequate resources to villages. Apparently, chairperson Gattis believes taking funds away from that system and funneling them into religious institutions hundreds of miles away from village schools is just the ticket. So take heart, Rastafarians; the Academy of the Mystic Hookah could be a reality.

When contacted, Rep. Keller said he just wanted to put the question before voters and let them decide. That sounds vaguely reasonable, until you realize this bill wouldn’t apply to just your garden-variety Christians. It also would have to include other religions like the Rastafarians, who consume more than wafers and grape juice at their ceremonies.

Let’s take a look at some of the other possibilities that could be made available to our children if we manage to amend the constitution. I think a very popular alternative could be the Jedi religion. That’s right, a religion that follows the teachings of George Lucas. Jediism became official during the 2000 U.S. Census with an email campaign to write it down as your religious preference. It is the most selected alternative faith in the census of England and Wales. Like most alternative religions it is something of a smorgasbord — a little Christianity, a dash Buddhism, a pinch of Sufism, and voila Jediism.

I don’t know what their curriculum would look like, but I’m pretty sure it would involve light sabers. Another thing that would be involved would be your money. May the force be with you, Alaska taxpayers.

Speaking of the worship of Hollywood, or Hollyworship, there is another sect just waiting for state funds. It’s called the Church of Ed Wood. These devotes, or Woodies, worship a mid-20th century director of B movies. They consider him a savior and hold to a belief that he was showing the world a better way of acceptance and harmony through really bad films. The reality is that Ed Wood was an alcoholic pornographer who occasionally dressed in women’s clothing. I can see where that acceptance thing would be important to these folks. If they were to start a school one can only guess what casual Fridays would be like.

Of course, we would also have to start writing checks for that unspoken religious elephant in the room, Islam. I have no particular bone to pick with most religions, except maybe Woodism, but I have to admit, Islam has been getting some pretty bad press lately. The burning of an embassy and murder of its ambassadors doesn’t win many friends. Neither does the mutilation of a young girl who wouldn’t follow their dogma.

The tenets of Islam are, on the whole, quite peaceful. The traditional Islamic greeting “as-salaamu alaykum” literally translates to “peace be upon you.” Muhammad once said: “No one of you believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

That sounds a lot like the Golden Rule to me. In his last sermon, Muhammad admonished his believers to “hurt no one so that no one may hurt you.” But like most religions not everyone gets the message. And so we have beheadings, suicide bombings and the toppling of skyscrapers.

If we were to amend our constitution and allow state money to be diverted to religious schools, it wouldn’t just go to your local Presbyterian academy. It also would be available to any religious educational institution. Some of you may not mind putting public funds into Christian schools, but how will you feel when you see the madrasa bus paid for with your taxes driving through your neighborhood.

The people who crafted our Alaska Constitution understood that public money paid to any institution is a de facto endorsement of that institution. This fundamental understanding seems to have eluded Reps. Keller and Gattis. To channel public money to one religious institution is to endorse them all. If this is what you really want to do, than may the blessings of Ed Wood be upon you.

Chuck Legge is a freelance political cartoonist and community columnist who lives in Sutton.