Some thoughts on toilets, Four Corners and Osama bin Laden

Mat-Su Mouth by Barbara Hunt

DID YOU LOSE YOUR BLUE TOILET? -- Alert Mouthketeers report that someone "accidentally" dropped off a blue toilet and blue sink alongside the road.

The generous truck driver also shared quite a filthy bit of brown water. The red step-side truck was nice, new and shiny with a black tonneau bed cover.

Mouthketeers are certain that the driver wants his toilet, sink and waste products back. Along with all the spit tobacco.

It's all still there. Come and get it.

DANGEROUS FOUR CORNERS -- Rubberneckers are causing problems at the major intersection. There is too much to look at. A new landscape. A major burn. A full clear cut and an enormous dirt-moving operation. It's tough to keep your eyes on the traffic with all these competing roadside attractions.

Four Corners, at the traffic signal of the Pal/Wal and Trunk Road, has a impressive traffic count. But visibility is low because of a brown fog of abrasive grit. The intersection material is flattened and filled, in part by truck transports, but also by oh-so-helpful Mr. Wind. Dust is everywhere.

Wear a face mask, pay attention and be careful out there.

ONE WISE MOUTHKETEER -- It was in a February newspaper story about a trial. The story headline read, "Jury hung in attempted murder case."

Inquisitive Mouthketeers ask the following questions: "Why was the jury trying to murder anyone?" "Who hung the jury?" And finally, "Why weren't we all invited to the show?"

ONE WISE MAN -- It was Alaska State Trooper Lt. Rick Roberts who offered oh-so-wise introductory words at the Alaska Family Resource Center's 22nd Annual Women's History Luncheon.

After the Pledge of Allegiance and the invocation he spoke candidly. "My advice to men and boys is to keep the women in their life happy." He went on to say that women should be patient with the confused men in their lives.

MANY WISE WOMEN -- Lt. Gov. Fran Ulmer was the speaker at the lunch. She was joined by more than 150 women and a few bold men.

The great lite guv spoke to the spirit of women who served this state well. Women in the military. Women in public service. Women who work hard. Women who volunteer.

This lovely occasion was attended by women who are smart. Women who like a good lunch. Women who wear hats well. And women who appreciate good desserts.

TRUE VALLEY -- It was in Palmer Police Department's log. On Feb 24, a woman reported an old, blind, deaf dog bit her thumb by mistake while she was feeding it beef jerky outside the Palmer bar.

TRUE VALLEY II -- It was in the Alaska State Troopers log. On March 1, troopers made a traffic stop for unauthorized color on a vehicle. The MOUTH is confused and consults its crayon box. What color could possibly be unauthorized? Plus, how could you tell in this dirty-car season?

ON A FORD TRUCK IN WASILLA -- A homemade bumper sticker taunts, "OSAMA DRIVES A CHEVY."

Some Chevy owners may consider these "fighting words."

IT MUST BE MAD MARCH -- The word "mean" is being analyzed by a few. They note correctly that the first three letters spell MEA. Could this be another March conspiracy?

OLYMPIC QUEEN -- There she was at Palmer Chamber, sporting the American flag on her lovely cheek and wearing an attractive U.S. Olympic sweatshirt.

Travel queen Cindy Bettini was doing the "spotlight on business" and talking about the Salt Lake City Olympics. She told everyone to plan now for the Italian Winter Olympics. She assured the audience that there were some "very nice scalpers" out there and the tickets were good.

CHURCH SIGN AT MAJOR TRAFFIC STOP IN WASILLA -- "Keep using My Name in Vain and I'll make rush hour longer."

THE MOUTH WONDERS

Is it true school bulletin board artwork is considered a "combustible" by the state fire marshal?

Is it true Nutrition Services prepared 10,000 delicious bagged breakfasts on school test days?

Is it true teachers are buying pencils for their students?

Is it true 1,508 children are enrolled in online school programs?

Is it true BP Teachers in Excellence get 500 bucks and a trip to the North Slope?

Is it true emergency response time is delayed because of stopped trains blocking access to Pittman Road?

Is it true logging trucks drive way too fast on Oil Well Road?

Barbara Hunt is a local writer and listener. The Mat-Su MOUTH is in its sixth year and is printed twice a month, more or less, depending on the Valley buzz. The MOUTH may be reached at email address bhunt@alaska.net. MOUTH contributions and submittals may be dropped off, mailed, or faxed to the MOUTH c/o THE FRONTIERSMAN. Good taste is required and confidentiality will be respected.