Something to be said for earning your own way

Apparently, I’m a bad guy. Even worse, a bad parent. I’m horrible to my kids because I’m not willing to foot the bill for their college. Oh mercy, oh heavens — gasp!

If you read my columns or perhaps know me, you know I support six children on a state worker’s salary. I’m not exactly rolling in money. That said, I try whenever I can to shoehorn some money into my budget to do what I can, and not just the normal, daily stuff (food, clothes, etc.). I’ve managed to squeeze in a trip to Disneyland, camping trips all over the state and other fun stuff here and there. I think lifetime memories like that are important.

Even more important is the knowledge that nothing is free. Things are earned, and one should never count on simply being handed whatever he or she wants. When my children participate in sports, they know to look for a way to “work off” their sports fees before asking me to simply hand it over. (Again, I’ve taken a lot of heat for that from some family members.) My wife demonstrates the concept by volunteering to help out on picture day at the school in exchange for a few free pictures. Through it all, I hope and pray it rubs off on my children.

So now our oldest is getting ready to start college at the University of Alaska Anchorage. I’m proud of him. I force my children to take auto shop in high school and the oldest one took a shine to it, so he’s signed up to take the automotive repair course. Good for him for finding something he likes. But he, like all my children, has always been told to work hard for good grades. Apply for every scholarship you can. When you’re old enough, find a job and sock away that money to use for school.

If they do that, if they put forth that kind of effort, I’ll be happy to work equally hard to help them where and when I can. Even if we’re broke I’ll find the money. If I have to, I’ll take a second job to help. Basically, I’m willing to work as hard as they do. And so it has come to pass that I’m getting a break with our oldest boy. He chose to sort-of work in high school, get ho-hum grades, applied for a couple scholarships (I think he did anyway; he’s not getting any scholarship assistance) and spent the summer primarily goofing off. He did, however, manage to come up with the money to get himself a $300 tattoo and few other pricey toys this summer.

The result? I’m not going to fork over a dime. He has other family members who have stepped forward to help him out, and that’s fine. That’s their decision. From my perspective, however, why on earth would I want to help subsidize my child’s endless summer via expensive college tuition bills? And boy have I been blasted for asking that question.

Seems that many parents out there feel as though there is some sort of obligation to pick up the tab. It’s “tradition” or “Ben, that’s what you do for your kids. It’s the helping hand you give them as they get started in life.”

Really? It is? Then what the heck have I been doing the last 18 years? Teaching my children the value of earning what they have, developing a strong work ethic, using appropriate manners and respect when dealing with others, demonstrating accountability for your actions and accepting responsibility for the same — what was the point of all that?

I always thought that was supposed to be the truly important part of getting them ready for life. I look at those 18 years as the prep and, after high school, entering the world as the test of their preparedness. Or perhaps it’s like when you’re teaching your kids to ride a bicycle and there’s that first time you let go of the seat and watch them peddle off on their own. Sure, they will fall down. You expect that. But you’re there to comfort them and help them back up — right back onto the bike again. More and more, I see parents and wonder if they rode their kid’s bike around the yard while the child watched TV or played Xbox and thought that was accomplishing something.

All parents want to help their children and we all go about it differently. Many have the ability to pay for college, it makes you feel good to do it and I get that. I really do. I think it’s great. Perhaps if I had a few thousand dollars rolling around in a bank account somewhere I’d feel differently and would do the same. But in all fairness, there’s something to be said for allowing my children the opportunity to earn it themselves and the value they’ll get from that when they graduate and can say, “I did it myself.”

I have co-workers and friends who have large sums of money socked away for retirement or whatever and they still insist on their children working during the summers or even part-time while they’re going to school for that very reason. Clearly, it’s not just a notion borne out of being strapped for cash. Besides, Lord knows I see more and more people in the younger generations who are stunned when they’re not handed everything their little hearts desire. They seem to feel entitled to whatever it is they want or need.

Maybe a little more “earn your own way” wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Ben Compton is a Palmer resident and publishes his column under the tagline “Compton’s Corner,” the same title used by his grandmother, Phyllis Compton, a longtime Frontiersman columnist.