‘Special’ isn’t always all that special

If I believe everything on television, it’s alarming how many “special” and “very special” viewing opportunities I’m missing.

If it’s not a cable news “special” report, it’s a tear-jerking “very special” episode of “ER,” and I don’t want to miss Sunday’s “special” episode of “Extreme Makeover.”

Calling something special doesn’t make it so, especially when it relates to television viewing. Can everything on the tube really be this exceptional, extraordinary or highly valued?

It’s human nature to believe oneself distinctive from the other 6 billion humans on the planet. “Special” is a special word and its meaning is diluted by overuse. You can’t buy a Ginsu knife unless you mention the “special TV offer!” Like the boy who cried wolf, television continues the dumbing down of America by crying special.

The nature and definition of the word tells us not everything can be special. In fact, it is the unusual or extraordinary nature of something that makes it special. Now the descriptive is being used to promote things that are distinctly not special.

Cable and network television news breaks a “special” report every two minutes. If it happens all the time, it’s not special; it’s normal, but who would stay tuned to CNN’s “normal report on the War in Iraq?” Slap the word “special” in there timed with an ominous sound bite and the drama builds.

Witnessing the birth of your child, remembering your first kiss, your wedding day, buying your first car and reading to your kids are all special moments. Sitting in front of the television for hours on end watching fiction and commercials isn’t, no matter what the story line is.

At the Frontiersman, and nearly every other newspaper out there, publishes “special” sections. Outside the bounds of our normal coverage, we give readers something extra, usually on a single topic. We do not, however, promote every issue as special (please read Friday’s very special edition of the Frontiersman).

That television should somehow be special to our lives makes as much sense as one network slogan that proclaims its programs are “Must See TV!” It’s the same condescending attitude that allows networks to tout every episode of a new series as “an all-new episode.” Of course it is; the series just begun.

For a sports hound like me, the only thing special about television is that it brings those special, special sporting events into my living room.

Forrest Gump’s mother was a wise woman telling her son “stupid is as stupid does.” Perhaps television needs to follow similar advice that special is as special does. When I hear an announcer tout the next “very special” episode of a program, there’s a little voice in my head that answers back. It sounds like Dana Carvey’s “Saturday Night Live” Church Lady character: “Isn’t that special?”

Sadly, Church Lady, it’s likely not.