Spring thaw brings plague to Valley

Frontiersman editorial staff

Spring, a haughty temptress in Southcentral, has reportedly been seen in various places around the Valley. Her heady perfume, this past week, has been tickling the nostrils of area residents, causing a rise in sales of seed packets, lawn supplies and other items that, as most Valley yards are still covered in inches of snow, are sure symptoms of the affliction known to plague Alaska this time of year -- spring fever.

The fever generally sets in on the first few sunny Mondays in March, when Valley office jockeys are caught gazing wistfully out nearby windows, scanning trees for the first signs of budding.

Outdoor magazines and gardening books magically appear on desks, in break rooms and anywhere one can idly peruse their lush, green pages without getting caught.

By Tuesday, work production begins to slow, windows are cracked open to allow fresh air to circulate inside winter-stale office buildings and bird feeders appear in nearby trees, an enticement to returning birds -- as if the sheer number of returning birds would motivate grass to grow and keep the sun shining indefinitely.

Wednesday and Thursday are, for the most part, lost to weekend plans, including weekend jaunts to rivers rumored to be open enough to cast a line into, plans for outdoor hiking or even yard work long put off.

By Friday, office windows are not just cracked but wide open and heating bills rise as boilers work overtime to bring the temperature up. Employees don jackets and coats to stay warm, but revel in the springlike smell and the surety that the good weather will last through the weekend.

When Saturday finally comes, however, skies are gray for the first time in five days, the weather is dismal and these same once-gleeful employees can be seen standing at the windows of their houses, shaking fists at the sky. Weekends are spent sulking indoors and marriage counselors get calls from people asking for fee rates.

And such is spring fever in the Valley. It's a teasing disease that only provides enough satisfaction to keep the cycle turning, and the only true remedy is either mid-week time off, a trip to a sunnier locale or June.

Be warned that the first two remedies are prone to a swift return of the symptoms, and that the third only staves off the disease for eight or nine months. Please consult your employer before administering any of the above medications.