Swimming through trials with faith

The spring and summer of 2019 was a very difficult time in my life. I was going into my sophomore year of high school, and the arrival of August meant the start of the high school swim season. This sounds totally backwards; for someone who loves to swim and has swam all my life, why was I terrified to the start the swim season? You see, while I love swimming, I have never loved competing, and during my freshman year of high school I was forced to compete more than I ever had. That first season of high school swimming was akin to throwing a little kid in a lake and telling them, “Sink or swim, it’s your choice.” Somehow, I finished my freshman swim season alive, but it was one of the most traumatic memories of my very non-traumatic life. I.e., it was the hardest thing I had ever done. So, as the months ticked down until the start of the sophomore swim season, I was a wreck.

It started in the spring; a nagging thought in my mind kept saying, “You are the team’s butterflier. You can’t fail or else the whole team will be let down.” The weight of this thought sat heavily on my mind. It was the start of a vicious case of performance anxiety — a steep downward spiral that eventually had me crying to my mom almost every night. I begged, I pleaded, I argued, I tried to negotiate, I did everything I could think of to get to her say to me, “Avery, you don’t have to compete in the swim season this year.” But every time I attempted such antics, she lovingly told me, “Avery, I know that it seems scary and hard right now. But Dad and I want you to give it another shot. This can either bury you or help you grow, and I know that if you give it a chance, you’ll flourish.”

One night, after a particularly tear-filled conversation, I lay miserable in my bed. I felt like an all-encompassing darkness was beginning to surround me and would not go away no matter how much I tried to make it disappear. Suddenly, a soft thought came to me, like the first ray of sun after a long, cold night. The thought encouraged me to pull out my scriptures. I did, and before I opened them, I prayed, “Heavenly Father, I desperately do NOT want to compete this swim season, but I will if You want me to. Please give me some direction.”

I didn’t really know how God could answer my question about whether or not to compete on the swim team, but I opened my scriptures anyway. When I did, my page opened directly to the KJV of Isaiah 41:10 which reads, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

This was my answer.

God had answered my desperate plea with a loving message that echoed that of my mom’s. “Don’t be scared, I am here and I will strengthen and uplift you no matter what comes.” I clung to that promise that night, and for the next few months to come. The beginning of the season was rough; I had to overcome performance anxiety that threatened to consume me every time I had to compete. But slowly, with the help of a few close teammates, friends, coaches, parents, and God Himself, I was strengthened, and I began to enjoy swimming again.

I learned how to face trials and come out the other side stronger. I learned when to put responsibility on myself, and when to lean on my teammates. I learned so many life lessons that swim season, and I am so grateful that my parents (both earthly and heavenly) encouraged me to do this thing that was so difficult to me – to go forward in faith, leaning on the promise that I would be supported in my trials.

Trials are inevitable, and the scary thing is that they look different for each person. My hardships will come in a different form than yours, and what your neighbor struggles with will not be the same as your struggles. However, the Savior has said that no matter what trial may come, we should “fear not; be not dismayed.” So next time you are faced with a burden that seems too heavy to bear, remember that our loving Redeemer has promised that He will be by our side, strengthening and uplifting through all the adversities of life.

Avery Palenske is a seventeen-year-old student, swimmer, and Korean drama enthusiast. She loves sunflowers, elephants, french fries from the Valley Hotel, and poker nights with her friends, but her favorite thing is being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.