Thankful for God’s Gift of Marriage, For the Gift of my wife!

In the fall of 1979, I was a young pastor, just installed to serve the people of St. Paul Lutheran Church on the near north side of St. Louis, MO. I had gotten to know the small group of people who were members of this part of God’s family. Among those members were Harold and Wilma Knedel, rock-solid believers in their 50’s and weekly attenders in worship. Wilma became ill, and needed open heart surgery. The doctors expected the operation to go well, and also for Wilma to make a full recovery. But she never made it out of the operating room. Harold called me, and then came to our home at the church parsonage. He was devastated! I listened and prayed with Harold. He left our home broken-hearted. Later I told Kathy that I was somewhat surprised at the depth of his grief. Part of my reasoning was that, at that time, Kathy and I had been married for 2 years. However, Harold and Wilma has been married for over 35 years! That seemed like a long time to me. That just goes to show the foolishness of youth in a 26 year old man. CFW Walther, an important early leader in our denomination, once wrote that God gives wisdom, “by the Holy Spirit, through the school of experience.” I lacked that wisdom. I learned more the next spring when my father-in-law, Jim Tobin, died from lingering heart problems in April of 1980. Jim was only 54! This was someone much closer to me. I watched as my wife grieved the loss of her beloved dad, and as my mother-in-law, Alice Tobin, dealt with the reality that her husband of 28+ years was gone. It seemed to me that she was missing part of herself, which in fact, she was.

I learned more wisdom as my own parents passed on. I was present as my mom died in the hospital in January of 2011. My dad and mom had been married for over 58 years. In many ways my dad deeply grieved the loss of my mom.

He missed her terribly until the day of his own death. I was beside my dad’s bed when he passed on August 25, 2018. Later that afternoon his 5 children and other family visited the funeral home to make arrangements. As we shared about my dad with those from the funeral home, one of those present was the lady who worked at the cemetery. We told them, “He visited our mom’s grave almost every day.” The lady from the cemetery asked, “Did he drive a brown Toyota?” We replied, “Yes.” She then responded. “No! He was not there almost every day. Your dad visited your mom’s grave EVERY DAY, and sometimes more than once a day.” My dad and mom had ‘become one’ through marriage!

I hope I am growing in wisdom. At age 72, I now understand somewhat better about the bond of marriage. Jesus quotes the words from the creation account in Genesis 2:24 and explains them to His disciples in Matthew 19.

“'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh' (Matthew. 19:5) When two people are married God binds those two people into one. When one spouse inevitably dies, we have lost part of ourselves. Often, it may seem we lost the most important part of ourselves. My dad felt that way.

I share all this, as I write my weekly devotion on August 20, 2025, because Kathy and I were married on this day 48 years ago in Memphis, TN. What I have learned through the experience of 48 years is that marriage is a gift from God. But, my REAL gift is Kathy! She is a woman of faith who has stood beside me in spite of myself, who has loved and taught our children and grandchildren, and been a servant to God’s people in the churches I have served. I do not deserve the love Kathy gives me. But, she IS the best part of me.

Believe it or not, all these thoughts about marriage teach us about Jesus.

Paul seems to speak about wives and husbands in Ephesians 5:22-33, but then he explains a deeper truth. “31’Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” (Ephesian 5:31-32) Perhaps you too have seen or experienced the passion, the depth, of the love between a husband and wife. God tells us that Jesus loves his bride, the church, with such depth and passion. In fact, God’s love is perfect, and greater than ours. That is why Paul tells husbands, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25) The Church, believers in Jesus, are the ‘bride of Christ.’ Jesus loves His children to the point of giving up His life for them, for us.

On Saturday evening, August 16, Kathy and I had the privilege of joining the celebration of Rick and Cathy Baldwin-Johnson’s 50th wedding anniversary. We have friends from our youth who have now been married 50 years. Kathy and I have only made 48 years at this point. But the love of those 48 years grows deeper and deeper.

And the love Kathy and I have for one another teaches me about the love our Savior, Jesus, has for us. God is SO good!