That’s not cool; ‘Choose Respect’

For a fifth consecutive year, we joined our neighbors in the streets Thursday, cameras in hand, to document the annual Choose Respect marches and rallies. This year we attended both marches, in Palmer and in Wasilla.

Choose Respect, which Gov. Sean Parnell established in 2009, is a statewide initiative to raise awareness about domestic violence and sexual assault in Alaska.

We’ve been big fans of the notion spelled out here, that choosing respect is within our grasp individually. We like that this idea creates an avenue where we can all work together to make Alaska and the Mat-Su Valley safer for women and children. And men.

We don’t mean to throw stones. But there does seem to be a pattern of abuse in the Valley and across the state. While we do see women cited in the police logs for domestic violence, the majority of domestic violence crimes prosecuted in the Valley are still perpetrated by men against people they claim to love.

“Choose Respect” is sound advice. But these words are nothing but a meaningless sound bite unless we accept the challenge to treat each other with respect, even when we are angry.

If you grew up around violence, there’s a better chance you’ll engage in the same sort of behavior as an adult. Unless we, as adults, do our part, we will pass this brutal birthright to our children.

We owe it to our kids to look our demons in the face and battle them head on. All our kids deserve a birthright of love and safety.

This month we told the tragic story of a Palmer boy who tried to be a man by taking the law into his own hands and killing a man accused of sexually assaulting a teen at a drinking party.

We were taken aback when commenters on our Facebook page applauded the teen for seeking “justice.” Know that 50 years from now, it is very likely this boy will be exactly where he is today — behind bars. He will pay with his whole life for this misdirected attempt at manhood.

This is why we cannot, for a second, condone violent behavior. Our children are watching, listening and modeling our choices.

That this boy will pay for his lifetime for the murder of a man who was never charged, never tried and never convicted of wrongdoing is tragic. But we all played a part. We all own a share in this horrific act for our failure to teach our children through our own words and deeds that real men — and women — choose respect. Especially, when doing so is difficult.

Along with the rallies, slogans and marches there also have been changes to sentencing laws that increase penalties for abusers. But does more time in prison really deter someone from acting in the moment? We hope so.

Slogans, marches and rallies, by themselves, will never be the final solution. But we remain determined to break the cycle.

So here’s what we suggest: Don’t be a silent bystander when you hear or see words or actions that could escalate to violence. If the situation is dangerous, always call 911. If the situation isn’t dangerous, try saying the most powerful words in our English language, “that’s not cool.”