The cows were rockin' in Palmer

Mat-Su Mouth

MISTAKEN AND MISUNDERSTOOD MOOSE SIGNS -- A group of anti-moose sign supporters are working hard to stop the "moose signs." Their argument is that the silhouette of a normal road sign resembles a phantom moose profile. More than a few unnecessary scares have occurred when vehicle headlights hit these permanent yet deceptive signposts.

According to the complainers, "The long posts are the moose's tall legs. The squarish body of the sign appear to be similar to the body dimensions of a moose." Creative sign enthusiasts are suggesting fluorescent paint for sign posts and sign backs to distinguish the wooden stalwart advertisements from the dark ungulates.

LOCAL AD TO ANSWER -- This unique advertisement was in last week's classified: "The good, the bad, and the ugly. Come one, come all. Blind, Crippled, Crazy. New hair shop behind The Store at the Butte."

NEARLY MISSED IT -- A keynote speaker at the Big Lake Chamber of Commerce meeting was billed as an internationally known expert on toy manufacturing and global distribution. The meeting was in December and the speaker was no less than Santa Claus.

MAYORAL AWARD -- Wasilla's Mayor Sarah Palin is receiving an honor for the "Longest Sentence Award." Her recent Spectrum article showcased an incredibly complex 85-word sentence. This is a feat deserving of reward. Adjectives were plentiful, along with a complete collection of commas, verbs and nouns. The MOUTH would love to quote it again but it would take up half the paper.

FLYERS ALL OVER TOWN -- The MOUTH makes a religion of reading bulletin boards. A popular flyer thumbtacked at a number of local locations was a copy of an editorial in the big city paper. The quote, "Who's Down," identified MEA as "the state's most dysfunctional utility hits headlines with still another fracas between board and membership. Jerry Springer where are you?"

An additional personalized editorial note on the flyers asks the question, "Who voted for these clowns?"

HAMILTON COWS BLUE -- The next-door-neighbor cows were rockin' and swayin'. And it was all the fault of the darn blues singer who came to Palmer. Carlos Saldago, from the Portland Blues and Soul scene, brought his high-powered band to Palmer and cranked up the volume. Soon the entire fairground was grooving to love and attitude.

The event was the first of its kind for Raven Hall and it wasn't bad. There was an official sound stage and fancy lights. The full dance floor was crowded with high-heeled jivers, flannel shirties, happy mullets, birk dancers, graybeards, biker babes and current and expatriates. Only a few fuddy duddys remained seated, with their hands held over their ears.

Comments from the jazzed crowd were good, especially as the night wore on and the beer was passed. "Hey, the acoustics are a bit tinny but it's better than the little Sullivan Arena in a ditch."

A mean harmonica sliced through the night as Saldago crooned, "I'd rather be blind than to see you go." Did the neighbor cows bawl or complain? No. They chewed their cud and grooved to the blues.

THE MOUTH WONDERS:

Is it true Fred Meyer has installed "happy lights," designed to inspire longer customer attendance in the store?

Is it true new baby Kaleb Steven DePriest resembles both father (and uncles) in his baby baldness?

Is it true inexperienced school drivers get the least preferred, and, sometimes the least maintained school bus routes?

Is it true fireworks danced on the top of Lazy Mountain at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve?

Is it true a local business did not pay $2,800 for two sheep piles?

Is it true a local business did pay $2,800 for two sheet piles?

Is it true the school district is 143 students over the projected population?

Is it true that when recent Aloha boy Assemblyman Jim Culver explained that he was on holiday on the "big island," he didn't mean Kodiak?

Is it true that since the MOUTH is online, strange and stranger messages are coming in from virtual MOUTHKETEERS?

It is true that Space Mountain, a Tomorrowland attraction at Walt Disney World, was in a development and test stage for 10 years before opening.

Barbara Hunt is a local writer and listener. The Mat-Su MOUTH is in its sixth year and is printed twice a month, more or less, depending on the Valley buzz. The MOUTH may be reached at e-mail address bhunt@alaska.net. MOUTH contributions and submittals may be dropped off, mailed, or faxed to the MOUTH c/o THE FRONTIERSMAN. Good taste is required and confidentiality will be respected.