The Manpon

Late in the first half of the Wasilla boys' soccer squad's match against Soldotna on Thursday, a Warrior player took an elbow to the face and blood started to spill from his nose.

The player had to be substituted and he stood on the sidelines, bleeding profusely, as teammates and team managers scurried for Kleenex and cottonballs -- something to stop the bleeding.

Seconds later, a girl on the sidelines yelled, " I've got a tampon."

The tampon saved the day and the player returned to action.

Who would have thunk, an object normally seen buried deep inside a purse or on the back of a bathroom shelf under half-used bottles of Pantene and old copies of Cosmo, would have kept a player from missing the remainder of a boys' soccer game. It is not the first time, and will not be the last, a feminine product is used to keep an athlete on the playing field. Anyone involved with wrestling knows tampons are a staple in the medical kit. Right next to the athletic tape and gauze is always a box of Tampax.

As my girlfriend and I perused the feminine hygiene section at Wal-Mart one day, my girlfriend didn't know what to say, when I told her that even I -- masculine sports guy -- had used a tampon. She thought I was either crazy, or full of it -- as usual. But there once was a day when a tampon kept me in the game -- or the match, rather.

During my first year of high school wrestling, I was whacked with a forearm square in the face. My nose sprayed blood like Old Faithful and faced disqualification, due to injury. But the solution to my problem came in a little pink package. The tampon was used, the bleeding was stopped and I returned to the match -- only to be pinned moments later, but that is a column for another day.

I admit there were insecurities involved with using a feminine product to stay in the match. I did have to belch loudly and watch SportsCenter more than usual for the next few days to reaffirm my masculinity. This is why I believe someone should produce and market a tampon-like item for the masculine athlete. I would call this the manpon.

Contact sports will remain physical. Elbows will be thrown, noses will bleed. But give male athletes a way to stop the bleeding, without the insecurities or loss in their masculinity, and you have a highly marketable product. Make the packaging black or dark blue, rather than the standard pink, put a Nike Swoosh on the box, have Mike Ditka, Lawrence Taylor or even Rocky Balboa market the product. This maybe the biggest innovation in sports since the utility wood golf club, or sunglasses that flip up and the most useful since the athletic cup.

Male athletes need the manpon. Soccer players will be more likely to go for that flying header, baseball players will be more likely to make that head first slide into home and basketball players will be more likely to throw their weight in the post. Athletes can play hard and put an end to those bloody noses without the loss in masculinity.

Jeremiah Bartz is the Frontiersman sports editor and expects a percentage of the profits when a company begins to sell the manpon.