The second law of Christian courtship

We left off last week suggesting that the father of the intended bride is the one who should oversee the courtship relationship of his daughter and her suitor.

For those curious as to where in the Bible we would find support for this notion, not only will we demonstrate this now, but we will find that it will also lead to our second principle, that of purity. II Corinthians 11, verse 2 tells us, “For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.”

While Paul is speaking to the Corinthian church in reference to doctrine, he uses the illustration of the Jewish marriage custom to give them a better picture of what he is saying. In it we see the authority of the father as he is jealous “over” his daughter. You need to understand that in Paul’s day, virginity was of supreme importance. So much so, in fact, that when they became legally man and wife, they did not consummate that relationship immediately, but waited until about a year later. During this time of separation there was ample time to demonstrate the young lady’s virginity. And thus we see that the father has authority so that he may guarantee his daughter’s purity.

Thus we come to our second principle, or law if we may call it that, the law of purity — keeping our daughters virgins until marriage. Now let’s be honest here. We live in a very promiscuous society. Promiscuity is encouraged by the entertainment industry, and if it isn’t found on the programs you watch it is found in commercials. It is encouraged by those who advocate “safe sex” as though the only harm is if you produce a child or get some disease. And it is glamorized by the fashion industry that, among other things, gave us the miniskirt for the sole purpose of cheapening our daughters.

As Christian parents, we ought to want better for our children. For this, courtship replaces dating by the inclusion of the old-fashioned chaperon. The old saying that “two’s company, three’s a crowd” may not be grammatically correct, but it sure goes a long way in maintaining a young lady’s virginity. Not only does the young man have to work harder to pay for a night out because there are now three (or more) to pay for instead of just two, but there is a set of lips there whose sole purpose is to be the informant to Dad.

What courtship effectively does, No. 1, is it eliminates all private time. The object of dating is privacy so the young couple can experiment with the emotion we call love. The problem, however, is that such experimentation has a cascading effect. It is only a matter of time: private time will lead to secluded time, which will in turn lead to intimate time. And when these passions have been aroused, they are almost impossible to turn off. The goal then is to keep them under wraps until the wedding night.

The truth is that there will be plenty of time for privacy after the wedding. After the altar the newlyweds can look forward to at least nine months of exclusive privacy. And it will be a legitimate privacy rather than just sneaking around. And when children do come, it will be an accepted privacy because “that’s Mom’s and Dad’s room.”

No. 2, courtship severely restricts even semi-private time. While it is acknowledged that every young couple yearns for time to be out of earshot so their conversations can be between themselves, the problem with semi-private is that it can engage the emotions rather than the mind.

While dating is often “just for fun” and recreational, courtship is a relationship with marriage in view. It is therefore a time of evaluation of the other person as a prospective mate, specifically looking at character and beliefs. The trouble with emotions is that they blind you to character deficits and incompatible beliefs until it is too late.

And it is too late when a baby is on the way or when wedding vows have been said. And guess who it is that is particularly prone to emotions? This is why her father needs to be in charge. Purity — it’s why fathers need to be involved.

Ron Hamman is pastor of Independent Baptist Church of Wasilla. Contact him at 357-4229 or ron.hamman@gci.net.