There's no tradition like a strange one

Being Frank/Frank Ameduri

I'm an old Italian guy. I love tradition -- everything we did when I was a kid was on account of tradition. Some of them came with explanations. On Christmas Eve we were required to eat 13 different things, one for each disciple and one for Christ. Fair enough. At weddings it was traditional for the bride to hand out Jordan Almonds to people in attendance -- they look like eggs, and it was a sign of fertility. At the time I wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but it seemed to make sense.

My favorite traditions have always been the ones that make the least sense, though. The incomprehensible traditions seem to have an air of mystery and magic about them. Being not only Italian, but also Catholic, there were plenty of things like that for a young kid. A couple of times during each Catholic Mass the priest says something about the word of God, and everyone takes their right thumb and makes a sign of the cross over forehead, lips and heart. It happens very quickly, and it always catches a bunch of people off-guard. They rush to catch up, some of them inadvertently sticking a thumb up a nostril on the way to the forehead, and most of them just sort of swirling their thumbs around wildly in the general area of head and torso. Some of them probably even know what it means. I have no idea, but I like doing it. It's especially fun when non-Catholics are present. The whole Mass must seem like some strange folk dance to them, and it's fun to watch them try to guess when to stand up, sit or kneel in the churches that still do that.

One of the strangest holiday traditions of all time has to be the singing of "Auld Lang Syne," though. I'm convinced nobody knows all the words, and that if anyone does know even a few of them, they have no idea what it all means. That's why it's so great. The lyrics are from a Robert Burns poem -- it was published in 1796, after his death. The roots for the poem originated in the Bonnetyne Manuscript of 1568 where there appeared a song called, "Auld Kyndnes Foryet." Similar lyrics also appeared in a Robert Ayton poem in the early 17th century. No sense can be made of any of the lyrics in any of those songs or poems.

Most people can't even properly name the song, and anyone who can guess the pronunciation correctly almost certainly can't spell it. I've heard the song called, Old Lang's Sign, Old Lang's High and, one of my favorites, Old Man's Spine. Someone was perfectly content to ring in the New Year singing about an old man's spine. It makes no sense until you factor in the large quantities of alcohol consumed on New Year's Eve -- another of my favorite traditions.

"We'll take a cup of kindness, yet, for an old man's spine …" It's a nice sentiment, but strange in every possible way.

Even when the song is translated -- from English to English -- I can't fathom much meaning from it. I know it's supposed to be a sort of melancholy remembrance of days gone by, but I'm not sure what we're supposed to be pining for. There's the stanza most of us can remember,

"Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And days of auld lang syne."

Is he asking a question? Is he preparing us for what to do in case the good old days and old acquaintances are forgotten? Even if you go the distance and learn the rest of the song, it's of little help. We're left to wonder if the drinking is a way to speed the forgetting process, or if it's a way to mourn the things we've already forgotten, or some combination of the two. In the end we conclude that it really doesn't matter. The point is to drink and sing, and when you're drunk enough, nothing you sing makes any sense. "Auld Lang Syne" simply gives us a head start on that, and the lyrics get even better as the night wears on and the liquor supplies diminish. By 2 a.m. we're all bellowing our remorse for some old man's spine, and some of us are even crying about the tragedy of it all.

"Why do you sing that weird song?" some young child will ask.

"It's tradition, young feller." And what more explanation is required?