‘There’s a whole lack of hope out there’

Choosing respect for one’s spouse and family is more than a moral issue for Craig Thorn, it’s a spiritual one as well.

Thorn, senior vice president for First National Bank Alaska and nearly 28-year Valley resident, said domestic violence goes against the moral and Biblical mandates of what it means for men to honor their loved ones.

“I think in Ephesians, chapter five, it says women submit to your husbands, and it goes on to say (to) men to love their wives,” Thorn said. “If you loved your wife that way and were willing to lay down your life for her, she would honor you and respect you.”

Born and raised in Seward, Thorn moved to the Valley in 1985 and has been in charge of First National Bank’s operations in Palmer, Wasilla and Eagle River for 18 years. He’s also a devout Christian and an elder at Wasilla Christian Church. He said agreed to be part of Gov. Sean Parnell’s Choose Respect initiative and one of a handful of local men to lend their voices to the Valley Men Choose Respect campaign, spearheaded by Alaska Family Services.

He’s willing to be a public voice, “No. 1, because Donn Bennice (Alaska Family Services CEO) asked me to,” Thorn said. Also, “in my personal life, I have some experience with (domestic violence) and as an elder at Wasilla Christian Church, I see the ravages of it. … I see families in crisis.”

When counseling men and families struggling with domestic violence, Thorn said he sees more than just physical abuse, and he said he believes greater public awareness of the problem will help men start to break their familial cycles of abuse.

“There’s got to be a general awareness,” he said. “It’s like a lot of things, and it’s going to take a generation. It’s like the anti-smoking campaign. You go back to the 1950s, everybody smoked. I think we’re hoping to change overall attitudes in our community. It’s not acceptable and it’s not normal to be in a violent situation in the family. It may not be violent abuse struggles; a lot of physical abuse and violence and sexual abuse comes out of alcohol and drugs.”

Along with abusers recognizing the wrongness of their behavior and acting to make a change, Thorn said he also sees a disturbing after-effect from those who suffer abuse.

“The victims themselves sometimes talk themselves into thinking ‘I deserved that’ and ‘really, he does love me,’ and start rationalizing how they should stay in an abusive relationship,” he said.

While Thorn said turning to church or faith can be a powerful first step in asking for help, he said he understands not everyone holds those spiritual beliefs. If that’s the case, he recommends contacting Alaska Family Services.

Valley Men Choose Respect is a worthwhile chance for community leaders to step up and lead by example, Thorn said.

“As leading men in the community, if we stand up and start with us, hopefully others will follow,” he said, adding that to make a significant difference, domestic violence education must start at an early age. “That’s part of it. We’ve really got to start with the young kids. Young boys are watching their fathers and determining in their minds what is normal. It’s going to take a generation or two to change the behaviors (and instill) that it’s not acceptable. Right now, it’s out of control. There’s a whole lack of hope out there.”

— Greg Johnson