Think before you do -- or you may end up with an award

Outdoors in Alaska, by Howard Delo

Ordinarily, I wouldn't present the topic of death and serious injury in a laughable manner, but we're talking Darwin Awards here. For those not familiar with this awards program, according to their Web site, "the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it."

Here are a few of the 2003 Darwin Award nominees, in all their "glory."

(17 February 2003, New York, Associated Press) A 25-year-old man, long accustomed to annoying neighbors by snowmobiling at high speeds through sleeping streets, finally received his comeuppance -- when he drove headfirst into a tree.

His reckless speeding through a nighttime residential area while driving an unregistered, uninsured snowmobile without a helmet while drunk was the cause of his death. However, while these spectacularly stupid actions were ultimately responsible for his demise, there is yet another relevant aspect to this story.

Brian "The Brain" Sabinsky was a fireman, a member of the same company dispatched to peel him off the tree, the same organization that preaches snowmobile safety; responds to other gruesome, drunken, helmet-free snowmobile "accidents" every year; and the very same company that posts an illuminated "helmet safety" notice 700 feet from his own home.

Few people were so uniquely aware of the consequences of this sort of stupid snowmachine operation as The Brain.

(16 March 2003, Michigan, Flint Journal) Ignoring Coast Guard warnings, David Manley ventured onto the icy surface of Saginaw Bay with his pickup truck one chilly morning. Predictably, the vehicle broke through the ice, but the 41-year-old managed to avert tragedy and escape from the sinking truck. He reached the shore wet and cold, but alive.

Despite his traumatic experience, and despite a day of sunshine and warm temperatures in the 60s, David returned to Saginaw Bay late the following night. This time he was driving an all-terrain vehicle, and accompanied by a friend. Surprise! The ATV also plunged through the ice.

His companion survived, but David had used up his luck. His body was recovered by the Coast Guard southwest of the Channel Islands. An autopsy was scheduled to determine whether anything besides a desire to win a Darwin Award was a factor in his demise.

(April 2003, London, England, reference Metro [UK] p20, April 10, 2003) A train passenger who was in the habit of triggering the emergency alarm so he could get out at an "unscheduled stop" on the busy London network, was hit and killed when he disembarked onto the track in front of an oncoming train.

(9 April 2003, Taranaki, New Zealand, The Daily News) Phil needed to make repairs to the underside of his car. But when he jacked it up, there wasn't enough room for him to work. So he removed the car's battery, placed the jack on top of it, and went to work, this time with plenty of elbowroom.

Unfortunately for Phil, car batteries are not designed to support much weight. The battery collapsed and the jack fell, trapping him beneath the car. Unable to breath, he quickly expired in a pool of battery acid.

This incident is illuminated by two additional facts: First, Phil's occupation was Accident Prevention Officer at a large food processing plant. And second, 10 years previous, he had been working under a car when the jack collapsed, trapping him and breaking one of his legs. Some people just don't learn -- even from their own mistakes.

I intentionally picked these particular incidents because, while they illustrate each individual's foolishness, stupidity or lack of common sense, the stories also touch on things we commonly deal with in this area.

People driving snowmachines irresponsibly, driving vehicles out onto too-thin lake ice, hanging around or traveling in the railroad right-of-way, and working on their vehicle themselves are all things we are familiar with in the Valley.

Do yourself and your family a favor and think before you do. Don't become a 2004 Darwin Award nominee.

Howard Delo is a retired fisheries biologist living in Big Lake. Send your comments and ideas to editor@frontiersman.com, or call (907) 352-2268 and leave a message for Howard.