Thoughts on a friendly rivalry

Going back and forth between Alaska and Washington for a substantial part of my life, I have had the opportunity to drive into and through Canada quite a few times.

I always enjoy it. It’s a beautiful country and it seems almost impossible to drive through Canada without seeing mountains, lakes, streams, trees and wild animals. I think my favorite aspect of driving through Canada is how you drive from one city to another without endless sprawl between. If you’ve ever driven I-5 from Washington to California, you know what I’m talking about. Where exactly does Tacoma stop and Seattle begin? It’s just one big mega-city running along the highway from north to south with very few actual breaks in between. Yuck.

But in Canada, you know when you’ve left a city. There will be grass, trees and such until you get to the next one. Cool.

And do Canadians know how to keep their highways and rest stops clean or what? There are trash cans along the roads every few miles, and every now and then you’ll pass a guy in a truck driving along dumping them. Even their outhouses are strategically placed so that you have a good view as you go about your business. It’s almost sad to re-enter the United States and see garbage on the road and Dumpsters at the rest stops overflowing with mattresses, old car tires and whatever else.

There’s one thing about my trips through Canada that I don’t like; their national radio talk shows. Things must be pretty slow in Canada, because it seems the only thing they have to talk about, day-in and day-out, is how much they hate the United States. I honestly can’t recall a single trip through Canada when I haven’t had to listen to a radio host and his/her callers drone on and on about how the United States is to blame for all of their problems. Doesn’t matter if the president is a Republican or a Democrat, they don’t like him, and either we’re meddling too much in international affairs or they’re wondering why we haven’t stepped up to help another country out.

Listen to this stuff long enough and you start to get nervous about your Washington or Alaska license plates as you drive along. You half expect to get the cold shoulder at every gas station or restaurant. But no, the people are always friendly and it makes me scratch my head wondering why there’s such a big difference between what I hear on the radio vs. what I experience. No, the Canadians I’ve encountered have always been great people.

Until the other day.

A friend of a friend is a Canadian and I always got along great with the guy. But while I was hanging around him a few days back I was introduced to another friend of a friend who had recently arrived from Canada and was just visiting. As I stood there nursing my beer and politely staying out of their conversation, I listened to a long tirade about how stupid, arrogant and such America is (pretty odd considering they were both here benefitting from the jobs we are providing them). Everything was slammed. Our foreign policy, economics, taxes. I kept quiet. Heck, I agreed with a few things they threw out now and then. But then they made a few derogatory comments about our military, our work quality and finally the citizens of my country all together and I just couldn’t help myself.

“Excuse me gentlemen, but I’ve been standing here politely listening to you for the last half hour or so and I just have to interject for a minute. You know, Canada and the United States have always enjoyed a wonderful relationship. Almost like brothers, our connection to each other could almost be described as symbiotic since we are more dependent on each other than you may realize.”

One of them interrupted, “Don’t tell me you’re going to tell me how bad Canada needs the United States because we would actually do much better if your country wasn’t hanging off of ours.”

I replied, “No, no, not at all. As I was saying, it’s all ‘give and take’. For example, take that truck I see you’re driving. It’s a Chevrolet. And you (I pointed to the other one) drive a Jeep. Too fine examples of American industry. And as I drive through your country, I see many more. Ford, Dodge, Sears, Pizza Hut, Levi’s, The Home Depot, Winchester …”

I went on and on, naming off all the things that I see in Canada that they enjoy thanks to U.S. industry, business and ingenuity. Once, they correctly pointed out that some of those things were actually built in Canada.

“Yes, and that proves my point” I replied. “They stem from original American ideas and manufacturers and we help the Canadian economy by providing jobs. And let’s not forget the military. Your Air Force flies F-18s and your military is comprised of equipment from the UK and the U.S. During the Cold War, your security was guaranteed by an arsenal of U.S. ICBMs that were fully funded by the American taxpayers.”

One of them spoke up again, “Wait a minute. You’re naming all these things the United States does for Canada. You said it was ‘give and take’. So what about all the things the U.S. gets from Canada?”

I looked at him for a minute with a contrived look of expectation before replying, with a grin on my face, “Well, I was hoping you could tell me.”

Their eyes got wide and I could tell I was about to hear it so I quickly held up my hand and said, “Just having some fun with you guys. Yes, Canada reciprocates quite nicely. In exchange for American industry, business, military equipment and national security we here in the U.S. get maple syrup, world-class hockey players and some truly great beer (I held up the Molson’s Ice I had been sipping). Cheers!”

I’m glad they have a great sense of humor.

Ben Compton is a Palmer resident and publishes his column as “Compton’s Corner,” the same title used by his grandmother, Phyllis Compton, a longtime Frontiersman columnist.