Three Keys To An Effective Marriage

My wife is down in Chile, South America visiting her sister. My wife was born in Swaziland and raised in South Africa. When she was born there were no fancy hospitals in Swaziland. She was premature and very small. The doctor said, “Take her home. She will either live or die.” Thankfully, she lived!

There is nothing like a wife being gone for two weeks to cause a person to think about marriage! Marriage is an incredible gift of God. Marriage is not a social construct. Marriage did not arise from the culture. Marriage did not originate from man. Marriage originated in the mind of God. Every attack upon marriage is a direct attack upon God.

The devil hates marriage. Almost every problem facing America today can be traced to the breakdown of the family. As the family goes, so goes the nation. God wants us to have strong marriages. Thankfully, life comes with a set of instructions- the Bible. God’s Word teaches us how to have a great marriage. In Ephesians 5:25-33 there are three keys to a dynamic marriage.

The first key is to love our wives as Jesus loved the church. Verse 25 says, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ also loved the church…” We as husbands are spiritual leaders. We may be good spiritual leaders. We may be poor leaders but we are leaders.

Jesus loved the church in a sacrificial way. “….as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (verse 25). Jesus left heaven and came to earth. He came to earth and lived in poverty. He worked as a carpenter. He taught and healed thousands of people. He lived a perfect life. He was mocked, beaten, scourged and spit upon. He went to the cross and died for our sins. He rose again and is now at the right hand of His Father. Jesus now represents His people before God the Father. He also prays for us.

Gentlemen, we are to love our wives sacrificially as Jesus loved the church. It’s hard enough for me to take out the trash and keep the wood stove going. True love is characterized by sacrifice.

Jesus also loved the church with a sanctifying love. Verse 26 says, “..so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word…” Jesus sanctifies or purifies His church through the Scripture. Men, we cannot take our wives where we have not been ourselves! We need to read the Bible with our wives. We need to take the initiative and pray with our spouses. Prayer produces intimacy. Satan will do everything to keep you from praying with your wife.

The second key is to love our wives as we love our own bodies. Verse 28 says, “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Our wives are part of us. When we love our wives we are loving ourselves! Our wives are not our enemies. We are one flesh with our wives- physically, mentally, socially and spiritually.

Most men in Alaska take care of their bodies. Whatever our bodies need we provide. We have jackets, gloves, medical care, boots, etc. Whatever your wife needs, provide for her.

Verse 29 says, “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church.” We are to nourish and cherish our wives. Nourish means to meet the physical needs of our wives. Cherish means “to warm with body heat.” The picture is a nursing mother caring for her baby. 1 Peter 3:7 describes a wife as “the weaker vessel.” The “weaker vessel” simply means that she is the fine china. A godly husband cherishes his wife. Apart from your relationship with God, she is the most important person in your life. Fine china is to be treated with great care and tenderness.

The final key to a dynamic marriage is to understand the purpose of marriage. The apostle Paul ends in verse 32 with, “This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” God invented marriage to picture our relationship with God. The husband plays the role of Jesus. A wife demonstrates the church.

As a husband loves his wife sacrificially and is a sanctifying influence, he represents the Lord Jesus. As a wife lovingly follows her husband, she is demonstrating the churches relationship to our Lord. Marriage was designed to illustrate the gospel.

If a husband is harsh to his wife, he saying that is the way Jesus treats His church. If a husband does not provide for his wife, he is saying that Jesus does not provide for His people. If a wife leaves her husband, she is saying that Jesus is not enough.

Thankfully, my wife will return from Chile soon! I have the deepest respect for every single parent. As we build these keys into our lives God will give us great marriages.

Ethan Hansen is the pastor at Faith Bible Fellowship in Big Lake