Tough Talk

The images on television can be horrifying -- gunfire, bloodshed and war on every channel. For parents, figuring out how to talk to children about war can be a touchy subject.

Maintaining open communication lines between children and parents is important, experts say, and honesty is always a good idea.

"I tell them that there is a very bad person who is doing very bad things to other people, and we are trying to stop that," said Claudia Tess, a local parent of two young children, ages 8 and 5.

"I try not to let my 8-year-old watch the television when I know that the war stuff is on. He doesn't need to see that to understand what is going on," she said.

Tess said her youngest son is worried that "bad guy" is going to attack Alaska.

"I don't know what to tell him other than that everything is going to be OK," Tess said.

Mary Yount's 13-year-old stepson recently asked her why Americans have to die so far away from home. Yount said explaining global politics to a 13-year-old is impossible, but she felt like she had to at least try.

"Boy, it's hard to sit here in Alaska and say why it's so important that we are at war with Iraq, thousands of miles away," Yount said. "To my son, everything is the same as it has always been, so he doesn't really 'get it' about what's going on. He doesn't see any changes in his life, so he doesn't really grasp how big of a situation this really is."

Yount and Tess aren't alone, experts say. Many parents can find themselves at a loss when trying to talk about war with their children. According to the Family Education Network, there are a few guidelines parents should follow. They include:

Try to find out what your children already know, and ask how they found that out. Let them know you understand what is happening is confusing and complicated, even to a "grown-up," and that you are happy to talk to them about it. Share your feelings and opinions in a constructive way, and let your children give their opinions.

Ask your children if they are worried or scared. Even if they say no, they will feel better knowing it is fine to have those feelings. Also, talk to your children about diversity -- let them know not all Muslims or people of Middle East descent are bad people.

The Family Education Network also encouraged parents of children under the age of seven to limit exposure to television news programs, and any other programs that cover the war, for obvious reasons.

"When children ask tough questions, sometimes we find out they are afraid and need reassurance. Focus on the immediate moment. You don't have to give them a speech about the probability of a war coming here in the next five years. That's not what they can manage or understand," said Nancy Carlsson-Paige, a senior advisor for the Ready to Learn Project About Conflict Resolution.

But that isn't always that easy, Yount said.

"It's everywhere you look. The paper, the TV, the Internet, the radio. I understand that you shouldn't let your kid sit there and watch CNN all night, but they are going to see it no matter what," Yount said. "It's not as easy as turning the TV off."

The Family Education Network also said that using thing such as art and play time is a good way to find out the true feelings of children younger than 7. Watch for signs during play of young children who are worried or fearing war, they said.