Two chances to love

Frontiersman

MAT-SU — In 1974, 18-year-old Ruth Josten left home to begin her studies at the University of Texas El Paso. She quickly found herself first in her classes, dating an attractive young student and living her life as an independent soul.

When the young couple discovered Josten was pregnant, their lives came to a sudden halt.

Not in a position to care for the child, Josten and her boyfriend decided that when the baby was born, adoption was the solution. It became their biggest little secret.

“I knew then that I wasn’t prepared to take care of this child, so I just hoped and prayed that a caring family would take care of her,” Josten said.

AMY

On the day her daughter was born, Josten asked to see the baby, just once. The doctor initially denied the request, but relented eventually. She was allowed to peek into the medical crib for a look. Glancing down, she saw a small identification bracelet hanging off the infant’s foot. Without hesitation, she took it as a keepsake.

Days later, social services called to inform Josten her healthy baby girl had been adopted by a loving couple that had named her Amy.

It would be 32 years before her secret would come into the open and wounds would be healed. Adoption became a driving force in Josten’s life in more ways than one.

“I thought it was time to put my story down, all of it, on paper,” Josten said from her bright yellow house in Wasilla.

Last year, Josten sat down at her home computer to begin reliving the experiences of what it was like giving a child up for adoption. She wrote about the compulsive eating disorder she acquired after the separation with her child, and later with the father. She wrote of a marriage that followed and of the children she raised. She lived more than 30 years in constant confusion and fear, wondering what kind of life Amy was living.

“I had never told my family anything about the pregnancy or of the adoption,” she said. “So I wrote down how destiny really came together 32 years later.”

On March 20, 2006, Josten was sitting at home checking her e-mail when she came across an unfamiliar greeting.

“Are you the Ruth that lived in El Paso in the 1970s?” it read. Her heart dropped.

The sender was an intermediary from an online adoption finders organization that was assisting a young woman’s search for Ruth.

“Yes, that would be me,” Josten replied reluctantly.

The woman went on to explain that Amy, who worked for the department of corrections in Lamesa, Texas, had retrieved a copy of Ruth’s birth certificate and was searching for her birth mother. In just a short time, Josten had her daughter’s phone number in hand.

“She answered with a Texas twang, which I know very well from growing up there,” Josten said. “And I said, ‘Hi. This is your mother.’ And that was it. There was a flood of emotions afterwards, as you can imagine.”

Josten and Amy couldn’t stop talking on the phone that afternoon. Pictures were exchanged and a relationship had begun.

Josten learned she was a grandmother. Amy learned Josten was also a police officer. It didn’t take long for the estranged duo to learn they had more than just genetics.

“When we finally got to talking, it was almost strange,” Josten said. “We both were having the same reoccurring dream where our teeth were falling out. We both had stories of troubled relationships with our mothers. The same patterns in personal relationships. Very parallel things were going on with our lives where you kind of get mesmerized.”

Josten said even when it was time to discuss the decision 32 years ago to give Amy up for adoption, there was no angst or underlying hate.

“All through the years I saw adoption articles and Web sites on people reconnecting years later. I thought, ‘This is really a needle in a haystack situation.’ I thought, ‘Would she want to find me?’ I can remember eight or nine years ago seeing people on TV and wondering if the woman on the screen was my daughter. That’s the kind of thinking I had.”

Weeks later, Josten was Outside participating in a domestic violence conference in Houston, Texas, when she finally called her former boyfriend and Amy’s father, Stewart, to tell him the news. Stewart, along with his wife, came and picked her up as she explained the remarkable situation. Josten’s family, including her teenage son Ryan, was told they had a sister, a niece, a granddaughter.

Amy, who had lost her adoptive mother years before, told her father and planned a meeting.

“I was a little nervous about meeting them,” Josten said. “I wanted to make sure I wasn’t stepping on anyone’s toes or asking to be in their family. But then, Amy’s father had gone and brought back a box of baby pictures of Amy, asking me if I wanted any of them. It was incredibly kind and generous of them.”

GIANNA

Part of Josten’s job with the Alaska State Troopers, and later as an investigator with the Wasilla Police Department, was to investigate crimes against children. She knew at the time there were problems with the foster care system in Alaska, but decided it was time for her to look into becoming a foster parent. That quickly changed to wanting to become a full-time parent to a child that needed a loving home.

“In 2003, I made the decision to adopt a child from China,” she said.

Josten hired someone to travel to the heartland of China in search of a child in need of a family.

“In China, they choose the child for you, not the other way around,” she said. “They believe people are brought together through time and space, so we went through a grueling paperwork process to get that started.”

On April 1, 2003, Josten received a call from someone with a Chinese accent claiming to have found her a child to adopt.

“I thought it was a total April Fool’s Day joke,” she said. “Then the voice said that she was from the Chinese Children’s Adoption Agency. They had a 13-month-old girl named Yang Qing Ruo, which means ‘clear and clean,’ who was available for adoption.”

Yang had been abandoned by her parents at birth after they had left her outside of a paper factory. She was taken to the local social welfare institute and eventually put on the adoption list.

“They eventually sent me a picture of her, who at first I had thought was a little boy,” Josten said. “That’s all it took. Her lips and eyes were beautiful.”

The agency flew Josten to China to the orphanage where Yang was.

“I walked into the orphanage and she immediately came over and latched onto me,” she said. Officials handed her a piece of paper with all of Yang’s information on it. One paragraph noted how Yang liked to lay her head up against the other babies’ foreheads as a sign of affection. As Josten read this, she felt the warm head of the Chinese infant press against hers as she held her. She broke down.

Yang became Gianna, and Josten’s daughter, on June 1, 2003.

On June 1, 2006, three years to the date when Gianna was officially adopted, Josten flew to Texas after her teenage son Ryan’ graduation from West Point Academy. She was there to finally meet Amy, face-to-face. As soon as she stepped off the plane, she instantly recognized the daughter she had reconnected with.

“It was another moment that was indescribably unique in my life,” she said. “We saw each other and it was surreal. Quiet. It was like everyone standing there at the airport knew.”

Gianna and Ruth stayed with Amy for a week, catching up on their lives.

Last year, Josten learned that personal story submissions were being accepted for a new adoption book compiled by Jack Canfield, author of the popular “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series. She jumped on the chance to tell her story.

Josten indeed had a unique situation and perspectives as a parent of adopted children.

She was a woman who had given her child away 32 years before to have a better life, and then brought a child in need of a better life back into her world.

Josten and Gianna meet regularly with other families sharing similar stories in Alaska. Families with Children from China (FCC) meet each month to celebrate their lives. Gianna is taught Chinese words and symbols to keep her involved in her heritage and background.

“It’s to help her stay connected,” Josten said. “It’s important that we help her understand where she’s from.”

Josten said she has no regrets about the choices she made 32 years ago with Amy. She said she did what she did out of love.

“All the release today is good,” she said. “We are who we are today. I’m a mom today.”

Contact J.J. Harrier at valleylife@frontiersman.com, or 352-2269.