Understand God’s role for you in marriage

Jonathan Edwards is widely regarded as the most brilliant mind America has ever produced. Edwards was a noted pastor and great theologian. He was the instrument God used to bring about the Great Awakening in colonial America. Later he served as the president of Princeton College. Jonathan Edwards came from a godly heritage and married Sarah, a woman of great faith. Together they left a tremendous legacy. Among their descendants were 300 clergymen, missionaries or theological professors, 120 college professors, 110 lawyers, more than 60 physicians, more than 60 authors of good books, 30 judges, 14 presidents of universities, three United States congressmen and one vice president of the United States. There is scarcely any great American industry that has not had one of Jonathan Edward’s descendants as its chief promoter. Such is the lasting influence of one godly man and one godly woman.

The strong marriage of Jonathan and Sarah was built upon the word of God. They produced a lasting influence that impacted future generations for centuries to come. What is the key to a strong marriage? Does the Bible detail God’s role for men and women in marriage? Two passages in particular are critically important for understanding the roles of husbands and wives in marriage.

The first important passage is Ephesians 5:25. God, through the Apostle Paul, said, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it….” The husband is to be the servant-leader. As Jesus loved the church so a husband is called to love his wife. This role includes responsibility and not simply privilege. It involves service and not being served. It calls for duty and not domination.

As men, our role is to love our wives with a sacrificial love. Jesus left heaven and came to earth. He was rich and became poor. He sacrificed his life and died on a cross for our sins. 1 John 4:19 says, “We love him because he first loved us.” Jesus took the initiative and loved us first. Every woman needs companionship, security and significance. As a husband lays down his life and is the servant-leader, her needs are met. Ephesians 5:22-24 calls upon wives to follow their husband’s leadership. What is the key to your wife following you? The key is to love her. As you lay down your life for her, she will follow.

In Matthew 20:28 Jesus said, “…just as the Son of Man (Jesus) did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.” In John 13 shortly before his crucifixion, Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. Jesus was the ultimate servant-leader.

What does it mean to be a servant-leader? What does a servant-leader look like? A godly man includes his wife in envisioning the future. He is willing to say, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me” to his family. A servant-leader initiates fun outings for the family on a monthly basis or even more often. He provides financially for his family’s basic living expenses. He lets his children into the inner parts of his life. He wants them to know him as a person — not just as a father. He shares his personal thoughts, dreams and feelings with his spouse. A godly husband frequently tells his wife what he likes about her. He discusses household responsibilities with his wife and makes sure these are fairly distributed.

The second important passage to understand the roles for marriage is Titus 2:4 that spells out a wife’s role in marriage. It reads, “…that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children…” A wife’s primary role in marriage is to love her husband and to love her children. It is not easy being a woman in the 21st century. There are many interests competing for her time and attention. God says, “Your primary responsibility is your spiritual life. After that, focus on loving your husband and your children. Everything else is secondary.”

Even our culture understands the importance of a godly wife. Our culture says, “Behind every great man stands a great woman.” And, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” A woman’s primary influence is found in her husband and in her children. The Bible says that the influence of a godly parent is passed down to the third and fourth generation. A godly mother’s influence is multiplied exponentially through her children. This is God’s design for women. They are a wife’s highest priorities. By following them, she can make a profound impact on the world.

This truth is illustrated in a story told by the Scottish preacher Ian MacClaren of a woman in his church. As they were talking she began to wipe her eyes with the corner of her apron. She said, “Sometimes I feel I have done so little and when I think about it, it makes my heart heavy, because I’ve really done so little for Jesus. When I was a wee girl the Lord spoke to my heart and I surrendered to him. And I wanted to live for him, oh so much. But I feel I haven’t done anything.”

“What have you done with your life?” he asked. “Oh nothing,” she said, “just nothing. I’ve washed dishes, cooked three meals a day, taken care of my children, mopped the floor, mended the clothes, you know, everything a mother does, that’s all I’ve done.”

MacClaren sat back in his chair and asked, “Where are your boys?” “Oh,” she spoke, “You know I named them for all the gospels — Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Mark is in China. He learned the language and is now telling people about Jesus. Luke is in Africa and says a revival has broken out at his mission station.”

“And Matthew?” he queried. “He’s with his brother in China and they are working together. And John, who’s 19, came to me last night to say that God has laid medicine on his heart. He wants to be a doctor.”

MacClaren looked at the elderly saint and said, “Your life has been wasted, you say?”

“Yes, it has been wasted.”

He replied, “You have been cooking and mopping and washing — but I would like to see the reward when you are called home.”

A great legacy is always built upon the word of God. Men, love your wives as Jesus loved the church. Love her sacrificially with all of your heart. Wives, focus on loving your husbands and loving your children. Everything else is secondary.

Ethan Hansen is pastor of Faith Bible Fellowship in Big Lake. He can be reached at ethanchansen@gci.net.