Valley survivor series might be a "hit"

Mat-Su Mouth

MEA GETS AWARD FOR EXECUTION — Indeed. If intricate plotting and orchestration win prizes in the politico chess game, then MEA gets the Queen. At the biggie board meeting, the transparent strategy was impressive but also sadly predictable. Hearty congratulations go out to the all the puppet makers for excellent staging.

MEA GETS AWARD FOR ACRIMONY — The MOUTH has sat through a million meetings in our Valley. Many meetings are contentious. Many meetings are ugly. But this last MEA board meeting went beyond either of those adjectives. It was bitter and brutal. Board members sneered. The audience snarled. And someone in the back just couldn't stop with their constant maniacal laughter. Therefore, the MOUTH proudly extends the "Worst Public Meeting Award" to MEA board members, administration and audience.

MEA GETS AWARD FOR ENTERTAINMENT — Critics agree. The circus is in town and lives on Industrial Way in Palmer. Sadly, many of the employees of MEA are well-meaning and hard-working. Maybe the board is too. But it's hard to see through all the administrative puffing and posturing. It matters little what side you're on. Electric gamesmanship may not be fair, but it's taking the sweeps this month for sheer entertainment. All the buzz is about MEA. Nothing comes close to these ratings.

MEA WINS APOLOGY — Several weeks ago the MOUTH mistakenly remembered a lack of food at one of the electric co-op annual meetings. Gosh be darned . . . it wasn't MEA at all. It was MTA. Thanks to the alert MOUTHKETEER for the correction. And apologies to MEA for blaming them for a shortage of limp spaghetti.

MEA SHOWS ARBORETUM — Go by MEA's arboretum. It's located on the opposite street side of the electric company's headquarters. It showcases a variety of "utility friendly trees," all nicely labeled. The purpose of the plot is to show MEA members where to plant trees and shrubs in proximity to high voltage primary power line spans. The park was created in 1997 by MEA clearing foreman Bill Jardel.

Four years later, the trees and shrubs have really started to flourish. It's a good place to wander around and study ornamentals. The arboretum is known as the Rehor arboretum, in honor of the late Deborah Rehor, who worked for MEA before she and her husband were murdered by Paul Stavenjord in 1997. Check out the limber pine, Amur choke cherry, autumn blaze maple, Thunderchild crabapple, snowy mountain ash, Rugosa rose, Theresa Burnet shrub, or the Arnold red honeysuckle.

VALLEY SIGNS — The MOUTH pays attention to Valley roadside signboards. Here are two of the latest Valley offerings. Butte — "Get in touch with God through Knee-Mail." Downtown Wasilla — "Wasn't summer fabulous?"

COP-COW HIGHWAY — Some call it the Palmer-Wasilla Highway. Some call it the Wasilla-Palmer Highway. Some call it the P—Dub. Some call it Accident Alley. But it has a new name: The COP-COW Highway. COP stands for City of Palmer, COW stands for City of Wasilla. And while the COP-COW Highway receives renovation this summer, it may garner a few more interesting (but unprintable) names.

SURVIVOR, VALLEY STYLE — A major U.S. television network has a hit with the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, here is "Valley Survivor, Mat-Su Style."

Each contestant will wear a Polarfleece vest and drive a yuppie SUV, with three bumper stickers. One will read, "IBEW," one will read, "I'm A Greenie," and the other will read, "I Vote Democratic." A rainbow decal will be affixed to their back window.

The contestants will start in the Butte, travel to Meadow Lakes, stop at Pittman, head north to Caswell, return through Willow, dog leg through Big Lake, return up Knik-Goose Bay, and finally rev their engines at North Star Speedway.

The winning Survivor will be the contestant who completes the full road course and has no apparent gunshots in their vehicle.

THE MOUTH WONDERS:

Is it true that the new computers at National Bank of Alaska (a.k.a Wells Fargo) do absolutely everything but make coffee and bake bread?

Is it true that in the ‘20s the Wasilla airport was known as the Alternative Anchorage Airport?

Is it true that a certain "unnamed" police dog is SCARED of linoleum?

Is it true that Pablo the Cat offered sincere comments at the assembly's public hearing?

Is it true that moose are thundering down Lazy Mountain, in escape from hungry, grumpy bears?

Is it true that the "Veterans' Wall of Honor" may be designated as an Alaska State Landmark?

Infamous borough scribe Barbara Hunt puts words in The Mouth twice a month. If you have questions, tips or suggestions, please fax them to her at 376-8059 or to her attention at the Frontiersman at 352-2277, or you may mail or drop them off at 5751 E. Mayflower Ct., Wasilla AK 99654. The Mouth is also accessible at bhunt@alaska.net. Confidentiality is respected, accuracy required and good taste requested.