Violence in the shadows

Becky's nerves were on edge. She knew her husband Joe would be coming home soon and everything in her house was not quite "perfect." She rushed to finish, dusting furniture and making sure that every speck of dirt was off the floor, that every item on the counter and on the shelves was exactly in its place. She wanted tonight to go smoothly -- not like so many other nights.

When she heard the familiar sound of Joe's truck coming around the corner she felt herself tense. Her ears tuned in to the way the truck door slammed, the way Joe shuffled his feet as he made his way up the stairs. Her arms pulled into her sides as she lowered her head to avoid her eyes meeting his. She knew instinctively this would not be a "good" night.

Joe came through the door grumbling about problems at work. Becky hastened into the kitchen to finish preparations for dinner, wanting to get the meal over with quickly and avoid talking to her husband. She knew that in Joe's sour mood anything she said or did could be "the thing" that would turn the evening into a replay of previous nights, nights that began with a curse and ended with her quietly sobbing in the bathroom as she wiped the blood from her lip and inspected her bruises, wondering how she would hide this latest assault from questioning eyes. She was embarrassed about her love for this man who could turn on her in an instant, about her inability to draw the courage to leave. But more than that, she was scared.

The Dixie Chicks' 2000 release of "Goodbye Earl" about two women who kill the abusive husband of one of the women is a tongue-in-cheek look at domestic violence. But, unlike the women in the song who poison the abuser and live happily ever after, most victims of domestic violence, like Becky, are too isolated, too scared and too much involved in the cycle of violence to either leave or strike back -- and those who do often continue to live a life filled with self-doubt and low self-esteem, sometimes lashing out at others and unknowingly repeating the cycle.

The Chicks' song did bring to the forefront, however, the incidence of domestic violence -- the family secret that until more recent years was rarely reported. Although the song was controversial, after its release the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) supported the group for starting a dialog about spousal abuse.

It's a problem that touches every community in every state. Statistics in a recent Alaska Family Resource Center of Palmer newsletter indicate there are more than 500,000 reports of assaults by intimate partners in the U.S. each year. But other estimates range from 2 million to 4 million women battered each year, but most go unreported.

In the Valley, Candy Limmer of the Alaska Family Resource Center says one woman in eight has been a victim. That's according to police reports, though, and Limmer believes the problem here is greater than those numbers suggest.

"At least half don't report," she said. "A lot are afraid to report, or have reported once and they didn't feel it was helpful because nothing was done, or could be done."

Limmer is program director for the resource center's domestic violence and sexual assault program. She emphasizes that domestic violence takes many forms, not just the kind that leaves black and blue marks on skin. Many of the women who seek refuge in shelters are there for emotional or psychological abuse.

"That's enormous," Limmer said.

Those who work with domestic violence victims describe the crime as a pattern of coercive behavior where one person uses violence or the threat of violence to exert power and control over their partner.

The words "power" and "control" are also used to define battering. The NCADV calls battering "a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Battering happens when one persons believes they are entitled to control another."

An abuser's psychological or mental violence may include constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, isolating the woman from friends and family, deprivation of physical and economic resources, and destruction of personal property, according to the coalition.

Limmer wants anyone experiencing those things to know that help is available.

"Information and counseling exists," she said. "We need to pay attention to prevention so we can break the cycle. We know it's generational."

Limmer said studies have shown that children living in a home where domestic violence occurs have brain patterns that are permanently affected.

"Just the screaming and yelling," she said. "Studies measure the impact. It's not just about beating people over the head."

It's estimated that violent juvenile offenders are four times more likely to have grown up in homes where they saw violence. Also, children who have witnessed violence at home are five times more likely to commit or suffer violence when they become adults, according to the resource center newsletter.

Problems often begin with a breakdown in communications. If true communication existed in the first place, according to Sharon Osborn, former community outreach coordinator for Alaska Family Resource Center.

"What we see a lot of times is people don't know how to disagree with one another," she said. "They don't know how to talk to each other."

Are there clues that abuse may occur in the future? Professional counselors say someone who fights in an attempt to solve problems, who likes to act tough, and who is cruel to animals may be on the way to committing domestic violence against a partner.

There's also a strong link between violence and problems with drugs and alcohol. Refusal to admit a substance abuse problem is another red light.

The NCADV also paints this picture of a potential abuser: "Does he have strong traditional ideas about what a man should be and what a woman should be? Does he think a woman should stay at home, take care of her husband, and follow his wishes and orders?

"Does he have access to guns, knives or other lethal instruments?

More prevention programs, more parenting programs, as well as instruction in schools is needed to curb domestic violence, Limmer believes.

"It is the root of 99 percent of all the social problems we see today," she said. "All sorts of criminal behavior result from what happens in the home."

*Editor's note: Some names in this story were changed to protect the rights and privacy of people involved.

This article is the first in a three-part series about domestic abuse. Look for part two in Tuesday's edition of Frontiersman and part three in Friday's edition.

DV awareness month nears

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a nationally designated period first observed in 1981 as the Day of Unity sponsored by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

In the Valley, the Palmer-based Alaska Family Resource Center will promote education about domestic violence crimes through special purple ribbon events.

More information about domestic violence, including help for victims, is available from the resource center at 746-4080.

Domestic violence

triggers mandatory arrest

Alaska law requires that a law enforcement officer, with or without a search warrant, shall arrest a person if the officer has probable cause to believe the person has committed domestic violence within the previous 12 hours.

"If a peace officer receives complaints of domestic violence from more than one person arising from the same incident, the officer shall evaluate the conduct of each person to determine who was the principal physical aggressor," according to a subsection of Alaska Statute 18.65.520. "If the officer determines that one person was the principal physical aggressor, the other person or persons need not be arrested."

In determining who was the principal physical aggressor, the law stipulates that an officer consider prior complaints of domestic violence, the relative severity of the injuries, the likelihood of future injury from domestic violence to either person, and whether one of the people acted in self defense of themselves or others.

During investigation of a domestic violence crime, law enforcement officers are now allowed to threaten or suggest the possible arrest of everyone involved in the incident. To do so would discourage domestic violence victims from reporting the crime, according to the statute.

State law also provides domestic victims with specific rights and services. Victims who believe law enforcement protection is needed for their safety may request the officer to provide that protection, including asking for an emergency protective order.

Alaska statutes also allow victims to get help from police in obtaining personal belongings, and being taken to a safe place such as designated meeting site or shelter, or the residence of a household member or friend. Police also may be asked to help victims get medical treatment.