Wasilla mom set example

WASILLA — As the Foster family mourns the loss of their beloved matriarch, they also stand in awe of the many lives she touched and the number of people inspired to give of themselves.

“Her example was far more powerful than anything she could ever say,” said musician Scott Foster of his mother Kaye, who succumbed to pancreatic cancer last month. “She always put other people’s preferences and needs before her own.”

Kaye Foster was a mother of seven, the youngest of whom will soon be a junior at Wasilla High School. She was president of the Wasilla Warriors Music Booster Club that started up last year, and a member of Cantora Arctica, the local choral group founded by longtime Wasilla music teacher Janet Stotts. Kaye also volunteered often in local schools as her kids were growing up, and was active in the Wasilla Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS).

“Kaye lived more in her 58 years than most people do in several lifetimes,” said her husband, Warren. “She lived, loved and laughed a lot.”

Through the choir, church and schools — and possibly Warren and Scott’s affiliation with “Moose: The Movie” — Kaye was known by many in the Wasilla community.

On a memorial Facebook page set up by Warren’s sister, one user wrote, “you had a way of bring [sic] out the good in people. you always would look for the good in people.” Another commented, “Such a wonderful friend; she will be missed by all.”

What’s more, 202 people donated $43,405 of the family’s $30,000 goal to cover medical and related expenses through the online fundraiser, GoFundMe.com. The page remains active only as a thanks and a testament to Kaye’s impact on others.

“We don’t need any more money,” Warren said.

What the family does need is a reminder of Kaye’s presence.

“I just miss being able to talk to her,” said her youngest daughter, April.

Though April knows she won’t see her mom dancing around the house or hear her doing her “silly voices” anymore, she and her six siblings do have something special and personal to remember her by.

Just before she died on July 7, April said, her mother wrote each of them a short letter to be delivered by the hospital staff after her passing. April didn’t have the letter with her — she was at a church camp at the time of the interview — but remembered that her mother had told her how much she loved her passion for music, the spirit about her, and her ability to “keep the family together.”

“It was really short and sweet,” April said.

In a final Facebook post, four days before her death, Kaye told all her connections how she felt.

“There are not words to express all my gratitude to you all, who have given so much time and effort these last few months,” the post reads in part. “Thank you all very much.”

Watching it happen

Kaye began and lost her battle with cancer in a matter of months, but Warren said there were warning signs, in hindsight.

Kaye experienced low blood sugar and digestive issues a few years back and was declared pre-diabetic for her symptoms. But by adjusting her diet and exercise regimen, she was able to get her blood sugar up again, and life went on.

Later, doctors would say those symptoms might have been early indications of cancer.

At a family reunion in Washington state this past January, one of Warren’s sons commented that his mother’s skin seemed strangely yellow, and shortly thereafter escorted her to the emergency room. There the doctors discovered a tumor in her pancreas and ran a series of tests to determine its nature.

In the meantime, Kaye was released and continued to engage in the planned family activities as much as possible, pushing her grandchildren on swings and “doing her best to have a good time,” Scott said.

The results came near the end of the month, and the prognosis wasn’t good. The family was told that the chance the tumor was benign was extremely small — most likely, Kaye had a serious, hard-to-treat cancer.

So instead of flying home to Alaska, Kaye went straight to Salt Lake City for treatment.

Scott remembered the shocked look on his parents’ faces after they heard the news, and when Kaye said to Warren, “I didn’t think I was going this soon.”

“That was a really hard thing to witness,” Scott said.

Kaye began chemotherapy in February, and moved to Idaho in May to be closer to family and the high-quality hospice care provided by her son-in-law’s facility.

Warren said the plane ride was particularly hard on Kaye, but that she was determined to make the move, if only to make it easier for their out-of-state relatives to visit her.

“She was so brave,” Warren said, fighting back tears.

Though he noticed his wife’s physical deterioration every day — the cancer essentially caused her to starve to death, he said — Warren was in denial about her ticking clock until a few days before she passed away.

“Kaye accepted she was gonna die way before me,” he said.

Until the end — even as he was feeding her only drops of water from a syringe — he still had hope for divine intervention.

“(I was) trying to hold onto her, still thinking that, ‘OK, any minute now God’s gonna pull his miracle’ and I was gonna be able to say to everyone, ‘see, look how great God is,’” Warren said.

Five weeks and one day after doctors told Kaye she had 3-5 weeks to live, she was gone.

“I’m sorry I have to say goodbye,” she wrote in her final Facebook post. “I’m sad that I will miss out on some of the things in your lives, here on earth, but I know I will see you all again, and I’ll be waiting and looking forward to it. ... I love you all. Good bye and God bless you.”

Living on

In the wake of Kaye’s death, Warren, Scott and April did not feel angry or blasphemous. Heartbroken, lost, sad, yes — but not spiteful.

“Anger is a completely worthless emotion in my opinion, and she taught me that,” Scott said. “If you try to hold it in or take it out on someone else, the outcome is the same. It can only be replaced with a positive emotion.”

April said she’s turned to scripture for comfort, particularly Alma 36:3 in the Book of Mormon, which she read with her own name inserted:

“And now, O my daughter April, behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.”

Warren, likewise, has found peace in his faith. Though he found himself questioning his family’s suffering on a theological level much in the last year, a friend reminded him to keep it all in perspective.

“God didn’t ask us to do anything he was not willing to do himself,” Warren said.

He and Scott said the whole family has become a lot closer, though still scattered throughout the western United States, because of his mother’s illness. While they all surely would have rather learned to better express their feelings without losing Kaye, Warren said he chooses to cherish the moments they had together in their 37 years of marriage, and look forward.

“Really appreciate people while you have them, because you never know how many of those minutes you get,” he said.

Contact reporter Caitlin Skvorc at 352-2266 or caitlin.skvorc@frontiersman.com.