WEDDING: Nicole Pulkrabek/Daryl McKenzie

James and Barbara Pulkrabek of Palmer announce the Aug. 21 marriage of their daughter, Nicole Helga Marie, to Daryl “The Nose” McKenzie, son of Rob and Leanne McKenzie of Delta, and Rick and Diana Kaspar of Palmer.

The outdoor ceremony and reception took place in Homer, a quaint drinking community with a fishing problem. In attendance were family and friends spanning from Alaska to Hawaii to Wisconsin. Also in attendance were three anchorless vagabonds, two rudderless rapscallions and one oarless loafer from the Crispy Critters & Crab Bake Café.

Emergency catering was provided by the local pizza place. Torrential rain and strong southwest winds during the wedding ceremony were complimented by four inches of wet snow during the reception. Emergency services responded to the event after the two rapscallions and Grandma Pulkrabek were electrocuted after tripping over un-grounded extension cords used for temporary lighting. All three victims miraculously survived and were treated for minor burns and abrasions.

Legal action against the bride and groom is pending. The newlyweds continue to reside in Palmer, where they have lived in sin for the past several years. No honeymoon is planned as they have spent what little money they had on foofy wedding incidentals.