What a brother is really born for

I have always liked the number 17.

I cannot tell you when this fascination began, or even exactly how this came about, but as a number, it is one of my favorites. As a number, 17 is a prime number; that is, it is divisible by only two numbers — itself and the number one. While there is no further significance to this number for me than that of fascination, it is found in conjunction with a unique verse of scripture we want to discuss today, and thus serves as a good memory aid for future recollections.

Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

A unique verse indeed, for we well understand the role of a friend, or at least we think we do. At first glance, we think our friends are going to be those who only say good things to us, things with which we can agree. But on the other hand, we know family is not often this way. Family knows us intimately, and therefore often says things that hurt us. While much of the time these hurtful things may be intended for evil, in today’s society we have come to believe that all of what is said that is negative is intended for evil. Thus, one conclusion for this verse has been, and I have heard it a number of times, that it is talking about sibling rivalry.

However, this can only be the case if our friends never said anything that hurt us. But did you know that the true mark of friendship is a willingness to speak the truth to a friend, even if you know that it will hurt them? In Proverbs 27 we find these words: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend: but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”

We live in a society that is all about positives and being positive. We have come to believe that it is a bad thing to hurt someone else, because all hurt is evil. Yet, Solomon here contrasts the wounds of a friend with the kisses of an enemy. Interestingly enough, all Solomon had to do was look back into history and he could come to this conclusion by a man named Samson. It must have felt good to receive kisses from that beautiful Philistine named Delilah, but little did he know it would be through her that he would lose his strength, his sight, his dignity and ultimately his life. Yes, the kisses of an enemy.

Don’t we understand that true friendship requires being hurtful at times? Or have you not heard the slogan “friends don’t let friends drive drunk”?

If then true friendship is more than just sweet words and sentimentality, then brothers and family are born for more than just sibling rivalry and animosity.

What Solomon is really referencing for us here is that adversity that comes from outside the family unit. We need to bear in mind that it is the family, which gives rise to cities, and cities to states, and states to nations. The family is the basic building block. The ancients were well aware of this, as populations back then were small, whereas those of our day are quite large such that they obscure our view.

When populations are large, it is easy to assume that someone else will go and give his life in defense of what you hold dear, but when populations are small, every man is a soldier and fights for that which is dear to him. Thus, we understand that brother lines shoulder to shoulder with brother. Being born for adversity is a natural, ready made army, of those who are born with strength and stature for the protection of those who are weaker for whom they have loyalty.

Loyalty is a good word. While we might like to fantasize about our own loyalty, fundamentally it begins with family. Thus we ask, how is your family loyalty?

When two young people fall in love, marry and have children, they often rediscover this concept they lost somewhere in their youth. Yet it is a mistake to believe loyalty to parents forsaken will be loyalty maintained by our own. And it is equally a mistake to believe that those who would seek to divide our loyalties have our best interests at heart.

Brothers are born for adversity; that is, to fight against a true enemy. Don’t be deceived by the sweetness of your enemy’s kiss.

Ron Hamman is pastor of Independent Baptist Church of Wasilla. Contact him at 357-4229 or ron.hamman@gci.net.

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