What it means to love your neighbor as yourself

Many of my closest friends will strongly disagree with the point of view of this column. My perspective is shaped by my understanding of the Bible, early Christian church fathers and ancient mythology. The disagreement is about the meaning of “yourself” in the command, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

My protagonists bring to the discussion a highly regarded perspective of popular psychology of the last half of the 20th century. The history of their perspective is quite easily traced to Eric Fromm, a German social psychologist and philosopher. He was born and educated in Germany, but fled Nazi Germany and settled in the United States. He taught at Columbia University and other American universities. His influence through his students and colleagues is enormous to this day. Fromm was Jewish and a student of Jewish scriptures and traditions. Much of his writings were heavily referenced to the mythologies of the Old Testament.

In the mid-1960s, Fromm concluded that a person could not be a healthy, fully functioning person without healthy self-esteem and associated self-esteem with self-love. American psychologists and therapists embraced a theme of “be good to yourself.” Ministers and pastoral counselors associated the concept with Jesus’ second great command, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The common pastoral advice became “love your neighbor, but you will need first to love yourself.”

I have a distinctively different understanding. Understanding the Bible and finding new applications and understanding for our own day is an important responsibility of professional clergy and theologians. However, interpreters need to be very careful to respect the context and intent of the original writer. The roots of the command to love neighbors come from an era when the tribe/clan was the unit of social thinking and understanding. Tribes were either still nomads or newly settled in lands claimed by the tribe for farming. Clashes between tribes were frequent and bitter. According to Old Testament tradition, Yahweh, the God of the Israelites, had a better way. If a neighboring tribe would bow down to Yahweh, the neighboring tribe was to be loved as a part of the Israelite clan.

When examining the roots of the command, the unit of understanding was not a single self, but a clan/tribe unit. People of the ancient near east did not see a single person as a primary social unit. In fact, being absorbed with self-interest was seen as deadly.

This is illustrated by the ancient Greek myth about Narcissus. Narcissus was a young, very handsome man. He became vain and proud and was completely absorbed by his own good looks. One day crossing a bridge, he stopped and looked at the calm waters below. The water reflected a perfect image of Narcissus. He was captivated by his own image. He could not stop looking at how handsome he was. What happened to Narcissus? He died looking at his own image.

Today, Narcissism is a psychiatric diagnosis for those who have a fixation on themselves. The sayings of Jesus warn us about such a preoccupation with self. He gave us a different picture: “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all;” “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up a cross;” “Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies it brings forth much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who loses his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”

Thomas Aquinas considered self-love a capital vice. Self-love is rooted in pride, and pride is the beginning of all sin.

Jesus left us with a series of commands to love. The first was to love God. The second was to love neighbors. The third was to love one another. The fourth was to love enemies. He made no mention of self-love. When we examine these commands, we are forced to the conclusion that love is not an emotion. In the tradition of Jesus and his roots in Judaism, love is a decision, a commitment that is many times contrary to our feelings. Love is shown by behavior, especially in the doing of good to everyone, even our enemies.

Christians need to shake off the impact of the wrong-headed psychology of the last half of the 20th century. Biblical understanding of love is not to be associated with self-esteem. They are different in essence. Christians are called upon to embrace love as a gift that we choose to give to the world but never to self. America’s self-absorption with its own might and power is the seedbed of our own destruction. In America the diagnosis of Narcissism is on the rise.

Accompanied by well-meaning Christians, America is standing on a bridge alongside of Narcissus. We are looking down at our reflection and are becoming immobilized. We are fixated by our own image. And what happened to Narcissus?

The Rev. Howard Bess is a retired American Baptistminister who lives in Palmer. His email address is hdbss@mtaonline.net.

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