What men really want on Fathers Day

I dont know who organized the calendars when it came time to find a place for Fathers Day, but I could kiss them. Whoever it was must have been thinking about the first run of king salmon in the Mat-Su Valley, because the two come together as smooth as mixing borax with salmon eggs.

Since time is our most valuable commodity, mothers and children should spend their Fathers Day energy on planning family time together with dad, on the river.

Mothers, when you are packing for dads special weekend, remember to leave the candles at home because during king season, romance is not what fathers want. Instead of setting the table, grab the family fishing and camping gear and make sure dads road trip equipment pile is ready by quitting time on Friday.

Dont bother packing elaborate meals for dads sake either. Fill the cooler with Kudos bars, beef sticks, Twinkies, soda pop and beer. There will be no time for frivolous things like cooking. A weekend without a meal never hurt anyone. Besides, open-fire salmon steaks will obviously be Saturday nights main course.

While you prepare for dads Friday evening arrival from work, have the kids gather their gear, too. Other than making sure they have warm clothes to wear, tell them what I tell mine: If you dont grab it, it aint going.

Heaven forbid you forget about ritualistic items like celebration cigars. They really do keep the bugs away. And make sure dad has a pencil. You know, to log the fish down on our licenses (we always forget).

Also, mothers, check the tackle box. You may need to spend your lunch hour supplementing it with needed items. Look for a good supply of fluorescent red Fat Yarn and Corkies, several 3/4-ounce Pixies, large Spin-n-glows, silver no. 5 Vibrax spinners, fluorescent red no. 5 Mepps spinners, a dozen or so 40-pound-test single-hooked salmon leaders with egg-loops, and lots of lead.

And dont forget to pack the .44. Try not to mess with the shoulder holster too much. It is a bugger to get it to fit just right.

Then throw the gear in the back of the truck and grab everybody so, when dad gets home, we are all ready to hit the dirt to go pound the water for kings.

Families with campers dont have to worry about tent camping, but all those great off-road fishing spots might be hard to get to, so children and especially mothers should be prepared to hike a bit and sleep on the ground.

One night in a tent wont be too much suffering. Alternatively, mothers should at least be prepared to fish all night with dad, and thus avoid the various inconveniences of sleeping on the ground.

Although it is best for dads if mothers plan a camping spot nearest to where the king fishing is best, most of us dads are not averse to camping away from the crowd and commuting to the fishing hole at our convenience, as long as everything is ready and loaded to go, including sleeping quarters.

So, mothers and children, be prepared to be whisked away at any hour on a moments notice. You can sleep when you get home.

Remember mothers, a quiet weekend at home is never really quiet. The only noise we fathers ever really want to hear is the sound of a stripping reel accompanied by the words fish on!