Who plans this stuff anyway?

I need to start listening to the radio more while I’m driving around. I think too much when I don’t. Seems like lately, as I drive around the Valley, I keep getting these odd questions that pop into my head. Maybe some of you out there will know what I’m talking about. Others may even have the answers. Most of you will probably just think I’m nuts.

Who planned the new Trunk Road?

If you’re headed from the Palmer-Wasilla to the Parks Highway; welcome to the new Mat-Su drag strip! A nice, big, smooth, relatively straight stretch that just begs drivers to jam the pedal to the floor and see who will back off first before they hit that wonderful traffic circle (more on that little beauty later). I’m guessing that the mound in the middle of the circle is for those cars that wait too late to hit the brakes. Or perhaps it’s just icy that day. Either way, that mound is shaped just perfect for a spectacular jump right out of a good Hollywood movie.

About that traffic circle

Some of you, like me, have undoubtedly been to other cities with traffic circles. You know how large they usually are, right? So how did we end up with this miniature version? How many of you have had the sad ordeal of watching some poor trucker try to navigate that thing? More than once now I’ve had to sit and wait while some poor big rig operator jockeys his truck back and forth as the trailer keeps getting hooked on that center mound. Now, just imagine if you were in the back of an ambulance trying to scramble to the Mat-Su Regional Medical Center’s emergency room while that was going on. Also, I noticed that this is the first time I’ve seen a traffic circle where, depending on where you enter it and where you plan on exiting, you may have no choice but to cross over from the outside lane into the inside lane. Not good if there’s another car already in that inside lane and you’re not paying attention (not that anybody around here wouldn’t be paying attention). Still get a kick out of how many drivers think they have to come to a complete stop, or, on the other hand, just blast right into that thing without even looking to see if a car is already there. Don’t know if the visibility-blocking mound was really a choice idea but, like I said earlier, we might miss out on the Dukes-of-Hazzard airborne car if it wasn’t. Still hope I see that when it finally happens.

Palmer-Wasilla Highway

Anybody remember when we were told that this “highway” would be a time-saver if you’re driving between Wasilla and Palmer? I do. How’s that working out? I think it’s almost faster to go the old way; all the way out to the Glenn/Parks and over. I think my favorite part of the Palmer-Wasilla Highway where those two stoplights are mere feet from each other at Prospect and Golden Hills. Those crack me up. Was there honestly no other way to do that intersection than to put two sets of lights about one car-length from each other? HA HA! I just can’t help myself, that’s funny. It’s as though my youngest son, Benjy, planned it. Oh well, when do the ‘highway from Wasilla to Palmer, Take 2’ on Bogard, maybe we’ll get it right.

Palmer-Wasilla Highway & Parks Highway

So you’re on the Parks Highway headed into town. You’re at the intersection with the Palmer-Wasilla Highway in that right hand lane. Light turns green, you proceed through and AHHH!!! Suddenly there’s a car turning from the Palmer-Wasilla Highway onto the Parks, same direction as you, just feet from your passenger side and by God it looks like you’re going to slam into each other! That’s because of that crazy right-turn lane that dumps the cars of the PWH into their own, new lane that magically springs forth right there. Is the driver of that car aware you’re there or will they keep coming over into your lane and ram you? Is the road icy and will they slide over? Who knows! Just keep driving and pray!

It’s not gonna happen!

Drive a little further up the Parks toward the intersection with Knik-Goose Bay/Main St. and you’ll pass Yenlo Street to your right. Ever seen a car sitting there with its left turn signal on? People…it aint gonna happen! I keep expecting to drive by a few hours — or days — later and expect to still see that car still sitting there, hopelessly waiting to turn left. May I suggest next time, driving over a block to Main Street and using that handy traffic light? You just may get home before your next birthday that way.

Blind ambition

And finally, there’s the intersection of S. Alaska Street and the Old Glenn Highway in downtown Palmer. If you’re on S. Alaska St. waiting to pull out onto the Old Glenn, make sure you look left to make sure no traffic is coming...and stare straight into the 7-foot high snowberm that somebody thought would be a great idea to pile up directly against the road. No way will you ever see if any cars coming. So you can either sit there and wait for the light (while the impatient people behind you glare at you) or do the old creep and look...creep and look…creep and look and pray to God that some hot rodder isn’t headed your way at Warp 3.

Just some crazy, random thoughts I’ve had during the past few weeks as I bombed around the Valley. Like I said, maybe it’s time I found something else to focus on while I’m driving.

Ben Compton is a Palmer resident and publishes his column as “Compton’s Corner,” the same title used by his grandmother, Phyllis Compton, a longtime Frontiersman columnist.