Why good girls marry bad boys

As I begin to pen this article, I want you to understand that I do so as a father more than as a pastor. And I do so as a father of sons as well as of daughters. Hence, I in no way imply by my title that all girls are good and all boys are bad.

I have been around long enough to know that even though the nursery rhyme says that girls are made out of sugar and spice and everything nice, that often this just is not the case. But regardless, we find ourselves in a society that is slanted toward empowering women, yet somehow they cannot find satisfaction.

The truth is that the answer lies not in empowerment, but in making correct choices to begin with. While we enact entitlement programs which help a woman leave a supposedly abusive marriage, at best it is a pound of cure rather than the ounce of prevention. In reality it is rewarding bad judgment.

You will not get an argument from me that some boys are not worth marrying. The problem is that most women are poorly equipped for evaluating a man; even assuming every divorce is the husband’s fault, the numbers speak for themselves.

Assuming then that every girl is good, and this is a broad assumption, I can identify at least three mistakes that women commonly make today when choosing a husband.

• First of all, they make their choice without the help of their parents. This is not the same as who pays for the wedding, or who gives away the bride. While most parents may have an active role when it comes to the wedding, the sentiment nowadays seems to be, “It’s my life, so it’s my choice.” We have such an avulsion to arranged marriages that it is “hands off!” to the parents. Yet, where do these children go for help in picking up the pieces?

The truth is that one of the best defenses that a young girl has to keep her from choosing a born loser is her father. There is no one so qualified in her life who can smell a skunk more quickly, as long as the relationship is right.

I know that not every girl out there is fortunate enough to have a dad in her life. I know that there are many momma bears out there who would back down the most savage boar, and to make light of this would be a great disservice. But there are many girls out there who take their dad for granted. An easy way to remedy this would be to say, “You need to ask my dad…”

• Secondly, many girls get involved with a guy who has obvious character flaws with the idea that she will change him. Big mistake. They like what they see, hear and feel enough to ignore every warning sign and alarm that is sounding.

One of the best decisions you will ever make, ladies, is to marry a man who behaves like a husband should behave, before marriage. While it is impossible to make an exhaustive list here, we can make a good short list. The very top would be that of finances; how does he spend his money and from where does he get it? A man who spends what he gets on toys, and gets what he spends from his parents, is not ready for a family.

The Bible says that where a man’s treasure is, there will his heart be also.

• Lastly, modern women tend to bare more than just their souls. Do I need to elaborate? Let’s be honest, pornography wouldn’t be such a booming business if men didn’t like the way God made women. It’s not a question of attraction, but who you attract.

The truth is that what a man gets for free he tends to view as cheap. There used to be such a thing as “playing hard to get.” It began in the dating phase and did not end until after the altar, and was used to see just how serious the young man really was. You see, a man tends to value what he works hard for.

What I tell every young man is that he needs to peel back the veneer of the woman to see what’s on the inside. The truth is that what today is young and vibrant will wrinkle and sag with time. What is caught with what will change can be lost to what is new.

Ladies, an ounce of prevention is still worth a pound of cure — the amount of heartache is up to you.

Ron Hamman is pastor for Independent Baptist Church of Wasilla. Contact him at 357-4229.