Wife reflects on husband’s life as high school coach

I have been debating whether or not to write this letter over the past few days. This has been a hard week on my family. I’m married to Tom Lincoln. I suppose I need to write this as a venue to get a few things off my chest and to thank everyone who has contacted us with their support and well-wishes.

I was at the dinner table Monday night when Tom received the phone call from Mr. McMahon regarding Colony High’s decision to let him go. I have been with him through several sleepless nights following since the news. Tom knows coaches are let go for a variety of reasons. It is the lack of reasoning shared with him and the way in which this was handled that is unsettling. Aside from not respecting a man enough to deliver the news face-to-face, he was told that they didn’t have confidence in him and wanted someone who would give the program 100 percent.

That is what sets me off.

Maybe Tom didn’t offer 100 percent of himself to the program. He offered 98 percent. You can call me selfish and demanding, but as his wife I required the other 2 percent be committed to his family. Let me enlighten you into the world of a head coach on behalf of all our coaches in the Valley. Every Christmas, spring and summer vacation we planned as a family for the past 10-plus years has revolved around the basketball program. Tom and I have not celebrated our wedding anniversary as a couple for at least a decade. Movie nights consist of watching game tape. Weekend outings require spirit wear and unforgiving bleachers. Dinners consist of interrupting phone calls from players about what time practice is the next day. He loves every minute of it.

There was a comment regarding Tom not flying on the plane with the girls to the Arizona tournament (mind you, they were on the plane with another member of the coaching staff). Blame me for that as well. We celebrated Christmas in Colorado Springs with my family, drove 12 hours in a snowstorm from Colorado to Phoenix in order to get to the hotel before the girls arrived so Tom could sort the room assignments and obtain tournament information. I could give you hundreds of these scenarios, the unseen obligations and sacrifices of a coach.

An incident like this deflates a person and causes one to not only reflect, but question every decision and scenario that led up to now. Tom has been inundated with emails, phone calls, and parking lot discussions full of praise and support. Wasilla, Palmer, Colony and even coaches from the Lower 48 have reached out to us. This has meant so much to a man who has absolutely no reason to question his commitment and efforts — but does anyway.

We truly believe that when something like this happens it is God’s way of shaking us up a little to send us in a new direction. So, we are ready and look forward to the future. I am, however, sorry about what this has done to the girls program at CHS. In a parent/team meeting following this decision there was no doubt that these teary-eyed girls respected their coach and were as shocked about the decision as we were. It takes three to five years to develop positive change. We were at year two. Now it starts all over.

My challenge to the girls: it is up to you to act like responsible adults in a situation where a handful of adults are acting like dramatic high school girls. This is your program, your future. Don’t allow others to tell you what “direction” you should be headed. Tell them where you want to go. We look forward to watching you all grow in both your basketball and personal futures.

If people want to question Tom’s coaching skills, well go ahead. Tom surrounded himself with a knowledgeable staff, but without question played the lead role. Tom is the most trusting team player I know. And that is what he considered his coaching staff to be — a team. He is the one who brought coach Busby on staff after Lyle experienced a similar dismissal from Palmer High School. He hired two female coaches to enable better communication and drama intervention in response to the issues of the year prior. The team’s record speaks for itself. It really was going great.

I’d like to challenge everyone in our community regardless of what color spiritwear you own — green, red or blue — to speak out in support and show your appreciation to your coaches, and do it loud and often. Unfortunately, all too often critics have the louder voice and if that is the only voice an administrator hears, well, then something like this happens.

When the weekends pass and we take off our colors, we are one community. Both Tom and I are Wasilla HIgh alumni and former basketball players. If we couldn’t have that state trophy, then I’d rather see others in our community walk away with the championship. Way to bring it home, WHS girls.

Again, thank you to those who have reached out to us, it means more than words can express. Excitedly, we are planning our summer vacation — together!

Shelli Lincoln is the wife of former Colony High girls’ basketball coach Tom Lincoln.